a beautiful small life at nautilus teachings

 

 

“i lead a small life-
valuable,
but small,
and sometimes i wonder
is it because
i like it
or because i haven’t
been brave?
i don’t really want
an answer,
i just want to
send this cosmic
question out into
the void…”

three months ago
i posted,
‘i am no loner small,
i am alice…’
but in reality
i live in a small house
in a small town
in a small community
where i own
a small studio…
i have always loved
being ‘small’
i attended small
and private
high schools and
colleges
i have always
owned my own
businesses
which in hindsight
always had the potential
to grow larger
but again
i
loved
being
small…

did my fear of growth
stunt me?
probably.
but i love new beginnings
i love challenges
i love living outside
the expectations
of society
and creating
my own molds…
i have so many ideas
i can hardly contain myself,
so i’m writing them all down
on a long list and 2018
will be my year to
begin
again
and again
and again
different ideas
in hopes
some of you
still want to learn
to gather
to smile
with me
in my little
colorful studio
which looks out
on mother ocean…

i would love for you
to message me
text me
call me
what you want to learn
because i’ll bet
other women
wish to learn it to…
or may be you are looking
for a space to teach
what you love
and my studio
would work for you…

today,
during my soul book class
i was so interested
in all the cool techniques
everyone was using
that i hardly did anything
but listen and watch…
this is what gathering is about
sharing with each other
our knowledge in the arts,
crafts,
scrapbooking
printing
calligraphy
mixed media…
and during all of the
nearly 6 hours of
ladies gathering
together to create
i never once
felt sad
it was so inspiring
to be with women
who all have similar passions
as i do
that
well,
i felt
as if
i
was
home…

i have never
wished for fame
or fortune
never wanted to
be recognized
when i walk down
the street…
what i have
dreamed of,
always,
is
to
make
a
difference
in
the lives
of women
and children,
and so far
i think i have…
just today
i was talking to a friend
who paints with me
and she said,
‘ya know, you taught us all
the basics
and we just took it from there.
don’t be sad about this,
just know
you added
color to our lives-
you
made
a
difference
and you still can…’

i take in a deep breath,
look out on the twinkle lights
d and i spent the weekend hanging
for the holidays
i re-read texts i received
from so many people i love
and feel
full
blessed
calm…
the sky is pink
and each little
tiny white light
reminds
me of
wishing upon stars
as a child…

i dawns on me,
this
is
it…
i never stopped
being a kid,
i never wanted to
and i still
do
not
want to
grow up…
so,
when i embrace
the knowledge
that i am
no longer small
i fill myself up
with the knowing
i am ready
to open new doors
to continue on my path
and to not give up…
tiny bali studios
will still be open,
just in a different way
and really,
isn’t that what life
is all about-
change
growth
acceptance…

i may not have been
brave enough
in my past
and i may live
a beautiful small life
but this girl
is
ready
to
rise…

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