accountability at nautilus teachings

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she was the baby
born
to a broken family…
but,
she was
LOVED…
her family was
poor
but they never
wanted for anything
ketchup was the
magic sauce
pancakes
were coated
in jelly
and french toast
with butter, salt and pepper…
their friends
were of every color
they hung wet laundry
on the roof to dry,
carted groceries
4 flights up,
worshiped
on sunday
said prayers
every night
she was raised
to be kind
loving, honest,
and hardworking …
but in her mind
grew a demon
she decided
life was unfair
she did not have enough
she felt ignored
neglected
and so one day
she decided
to begin eating
how she felt
when that was not enough
she began lying
and eventually stealing
from the people who
loved her the most…

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he
was born unto a family
who’s history dated
back to kings and queens
oldest son
in a military family
they lived
with grandmother
because dad was away
serving his country
for the third tour of duty…
he lived in a town
filled with hills
and seasons
and love…

at a very young age
he began hiding
who he really was
starting early
stealing pills
drinking liquor
wearing different masks
and lying
not just to himself
but to everyone
he knew and loved…

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two different people
growing up thousands
of miles apart
never knowing each other
but connected
by one person
so many years
into their future…
this person
came from a small town
who’s family had no money
was abused by her brothers
grew up full of shame
voiceless
and survived
only through color
she was raised
deep in faith-
it was her center
and no matter what,
she always
fell to her knees in prayer…
no matter what happened
in her life
she told God…

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these three lives
would one day intersect
the first two
having never been held
accountable
for anything in their life
met
HER…
he thought HER was
full of shit
called her names
blamed everyone
for his failures
and
never
ever
said,
“i’m sorry”
or
“it is my fault”
only said,
“why me”
or
“poor me”…
she entered a life
of dishonesty
and thievery
steeling money
from those who
loved her the most…
both, lived their lives this way
for years
until…
HER called them on it
told them
not just to
“get the fuck out of HER life…”
but to
“stop throwing people you love
under the bus…”

accountability…

who is going to hold
you accountable?
who’s going to call
out your lies
your falsities?
it probably won’t be
the people who
love you the most-
it has got to be
YOU…

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if there is one thing in life
i taught my children
was to be accountable…
i never let them get away with anything
and if one blamed another
and i did not see it,
they were both punished…

God sees inside your soul
He knows your faults
and still loves you.
knowing this,
i only ask you to love honestly
and to have the
conversations
needed…
listen.
let people be heard.
never,
ever let them get away
with anything…
you must hold yourself
accountable.
by taking the cowards
way out,
and blaming
everyone else,
for your problems,
all you are showing
to this world,
your friends
and the people
who love you
is how weak you are…
begin today
by loving yourself
accepting yourself
and walking
with your truths
in your faith…
God is waiting
for you to come home
and oh,
how wonderful it feels
to be within his arms
knowing
you are always
loved,
forgiven
and safe….

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