alone on christmas at nautilus teachings

time to be reborn

53 years ago
she was 7 months old
and she had no idea
what Christmas was…
2 months ago her
almost 30 year old
son married
the love of his life.
this year
as they celebrate their
first Christmas
as husband and wife
as they light candles,
make wishes,
say prayers in church,
their hearts fill
with all the hope
and dreams of their
long, amazing life together
the anticipation
of family
of the life they both dreamed of…
his 25 year old
sister celebrates
Christmas with
her fathers family.
an entire weekend filled
with celebration
food
laughs, hugs
and a sharing of memories…
and the 22 year old
baby girl
by herself for the first time
on Christmas
in big NYC
at the young age of 22
is learning
to be alone
and still be happy…
as their mom
sets the table for two
for Christmas eve dinner,
places one wrapped small package
for her husband
who she loves so much
upon a painted table
along with bones for the boys
they will enjoy tomorrow
she cannot
stop the tears…

love them anyway

such a wonderful life.
she has been
so blessed,
full,
colorful…
but the sadness
takes over…
her eyes see each one of them
in their homes
smiling
loved
living out their personal dreams
and for this
gratitude fills her heart…
she remembers being young
her first Christmas
as a newlywed,
parent,
the first Christmas
without her mom…
her fingers press dial
“hey dad, just wanted to wish you
a Merry Christmas…”
he is 86
can hardly hear
there is noise in the background
she hears her
call his name
over and over
they exchange few words
and hang up…
no one told her
it would be this hard
to be alone
at Christmas…

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yes, she has her hubby
and the boys
and they have plans
for the day
but
it is the emptiness
the lack
of color
boxes
bows
tags
the anticipation is not there…
the sky is darkening
she rises to shower
prepare
their Christmas eve meal
she lights the candles
holds her breath
and when she turns toward
the tree
she hears a jingle
a ting a ling a ling
she moves closer
the tree rustles
once more
ting a ling a ling
her mothers ornament
wiggles back and forth
her eyes
catching the glow of
tree lights
she remembers
caroling house to house
over stuffed stockings
a huge table filled with
food and family
snow
giggles
but mostly
she remembers peace
lighting her candle from her mothers
in church
the sanctuary all aglow
tears streaming down
her moms cheek
as hand in hand
mother and daughter
sing
“silient night, holy night,
all is calm all is bright…”
her heart fills up
she begins to feel the magic
once more
turns
twirls
and begins to dance
all by herself
as the
soft chiming
of church bells
calls her soul
back home…
it is a Merry Christmas,
thanks be to God…

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