bed love at nautilus teachings

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i am in love
with my bed.
every night
i get to crank down
the AC to 71
snuggle under
my blanket
and snooze…
i have animated dreams
that i can wake up from
go to the bathroom
and come right back to.
i can even remember a dream
from the night before
and pick that back up…
three nights ago
my mom
visited me…
i only get to see her
randomly now
as it’s been 29 years-
no,
i am not cray cray
she comes in
like a scented breeze
i hear my name
see her big brown eyes
feel her hand
touch my back
and know
she is present…
this particular night
was proceeded
by several weeks
of contemplation.
i had been tossing around
a few ideas of
how i wanted to
step out of my
cornered world
and begin the second
half of my life
giving back…
i knew my studio
was my first love
writing my second
helping woman and children
comes in third…
but my studio is,
thankfully good
the words flow
as my second book
is awaiting illustrations
before going to print
and then the calls
and the emails
inviting me to expand
to walk through 2 new doors…

b8b42ea55327228c4ed5fe60f811a64cnow, ask d this if you must,
but i am a perfectionist
OCD
control freak
about my life
i like order
planned itineraries
routine…
so my first thought was,
OMG
i cannot fit this in…

have you ever done that,
thought nope first,
before even considering it?
i am good, strong and clear
with my NOPES!
but lately
God has been whispering to me
and i have been listening
i know He has bigger plans
for me
i can feel it…
so i did not say, ‘no’
i said,
‘tell me more, let’s meet’
so i read the emails
listened over coffee
drove to a commissioners meeting
stood in front of
and with people i had never met
and said,
YES!
yes
yes…

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pushing ourselves
to grow further
can be a bit scary
but d always says,
‘blondie,
challenge your fears
and chase your dreams…’
i love my
colorful world
the messy order
of it,
that only
i can see…
i love picking up a brush
to blank canvas
and creating an image
that will make you smile
think
wonder,
‘am i where i am supposed to be…’
at this moment in my life
i can shout out loud
a resounding
YES!
so to the two women
who had faith in me
and my story,
who believe
i am the right person
to help their
organizations grow,
thank you.
i still will love
falling into my bed
every night,
but
look out world
you will be seeing me
in places
i have never been
changing, healing and helping
women and children
find their buoyancy
release their lives
through color
all the while
listening
to His voice,
knowing
faith has been
and will always be
my guide
which is why
this ole girl
always chooses
faith over fear…

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