being pliable at nautilus teachings

 

 

we all have the ability to be pliable-

easily bent; flexible

when we are born
screaming into this
crazy life
we are 100%
moldable,
the challenge
is to stay that way
with each passing year
especially as we age…
for some
they just cannot obtain this.
they need their regimented life
they stick to routine
and appear unreceptive
to new ways in thinking
or even living
while others embrace
every new and exciting thing…
they can
continually learn
and grow,
they are like sponges
able to soak up every
scent
wavelength
color
pattern of thought
and mantra
willing to not just
baby step it but
jump off the cliff
ready to begin again
anew
as someone
different
from the last version-
kinda like getting a new update
every few years or so…

the goal is to have a firm base.


what roots you to life?
for me
it’s
faith-
has been
for as long as my memory runs
there is not a reel in the ole’ brain
and heart
that does not
know
God
was always there.
when i was young
i learned to be
adaptable.
when to smile
when-if ever- to talk
but more important
when to
run
hide
disappear…
as i grew into a teenager
i found the easiest way
to peace in our home
was to comply
shut up
follow directions
and do what was expected of me…
as college approached
again i had no choice but
to accommodate my fathers wishes-
go to the school he wished
pretend to major in business
and take ever art and writing
class i could…
needless to say
i became
pretty inflexible..
i had to set boundaries
to stay within myself
and hold sacred
that which centered me-
my faith…
being married twice,
having kids,
it all floated around me
in this big
tsunami
of who am i?
i obeyed my husbands
during both stints
at trying to be married
and i hated it.
i was miserable
the only saving grace
besides God
was my three children
and my church family…
i felt very much
manipulated by #2
taken advantage of
not to mention
being his target
day after day
and eventually some nights
his slave…
why did i do this?
i was stupid.
weak.
my faith sustained me
but i did not know how
to change
my life,
let alone
my kids lives…
eventually
if the winds are strong enough
and unceasing
will the tree will break?
well,  that
is
what
i
did…

i wanted to be like silly putty
able to try on new things
and start over if i did not like it.
i wanted the choice
to be just mine
no-one else’s.
i set about unlearning my life
and trying many footpaths
until at last
there
i
was…
i was now buoyant
with my faith supporting me
100%
i began releasing
accepting
forgiving
learning
growing…
i learned to stop
to breath
to be grateful
to understand
i was no longer
small…
that is how i felt
my whole life
unheard
unseen
unknown…
i was not looking
to be rich or famous
i was wishing
to be loved
for exactly who i was-
this crazy
artist
who paints everything
who does not shut up
who writes all her truths
and who will not
ever be told
ever again
what to think
say
speak
do
or
be…
i know
i need no one
except God.
i know
my children
grandchildren
husband
family
and friends
are all gifts
which i hold close
i cherish
and i love…
am i pliable?
bendable?
moldable?
yes.
i love that about me
but i am also
organized
love routine
embrace my alone time
love family get -togethers
love teaching art
and live in the knowing
all of this is only possible
because i trusted my center
my nautilus
my faith
i give it all every day
to God
because i trust HIM.
along this journey
i learned to trust myself
learned to love
with my whole heart
was given a voice
and embraced for being
me…
so now,
yes,
i am silly putty
but the best part
is i get to be that.
i choose that.
knowing the glue
that holds everything
else together
is my faith.