calling ‘uncle’ at nautilus teachings

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she sits across
the room from me
young beauty
showing no emotion
at all
yet expressing pain,
“do you know what it was like
to be called stupid idiot?
to be flicked in the head?
told you were dumb?”
i am not surprised by her words
they only confirmed what
i already thought…
“of course i do…”
i reply.
“i will never like him,
never forgive him.
i can never forget…”
the mask
of wounded youth
is super glued to her face…
she is tough
hardened
a lock you cannot break
a safe you will never crack…
“you will never describe me as kind…”
she continues on,
“i don’t know how to be,
oh sure i can love
but i will never bear
my naked soul to anyone…”
i am stunned,
yet her genius
has revealed
flaws,
no common sense
no forgiveness
not even acceptance
that she cannot change
that which was imbedded
upon her soul from birth…
“i know he didn’t know
any better,
i know it’s how he was raised,
but why couldn’t he see
the hurt?
didn’t my constant rebellion
tell him anything?
what about my wicked words
spat at him
or my temper tantrums?
he thinks he is so with it
but he is trapped in his past…
there is nothing i can do,
i cannot forgive him…”

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this is a road i personally
have traveled upon
one i lived
for 42 years…
but i always had my faith…
“do you pray about it?”, i ask
“pray? yeah right, like that would change it or help…”
i have a solid steel wall in front of me
and with all my heart i want to break
her wide open
help her to see
in his youth
he did not know
he was wrong
did not know he was
inflicting
forever scars
that through his own
intellectual way of thinking
he believed he was doing no harm…
i can say this now
because i have learned it
lived it
healed it…
she rises to leave
hugs me tight
i know
she knows
i understand
but we can never
connect when i comes to him
the bridge is broken…
she hops in her car
drives away
and all i can do is scream
“oh God, please, please, please
take away her pain
and help her to see
acceptance leads to forgiveness
to breath in the healing power of her faith

she was taught as a child…
it is now between God and them
i am just a common thread
able to stretch
bend
and unknot
the tremor
which lies between them
and the rising
flood
which will continue
unless one of them
finally stops
this madness
and calls , “uncle…”

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