chapter 2 begins at nautilus teachings

IMG_4997

chapter 2 begins
at 3:00am
i am knotted up
hands clenched
my arms are screaming
for me to release
this tension
this
entanglement
my eyes shoot wide open
and the list begins
typing across
my brain
faster than i can say
please God, let me sleep..
i toss and turn
finally falling into
restless deep
and coiled up sleep…
i miss my time in the OBX
my mind was open there
to receive grace
love and beauty
during the
wedding celebration,
and as i folded
myself back up
into the layers which
make up my life
i wrapped a golden strand
around the weekend
and hung it from my heart
where it bobs up and down
reminding me to giggle
embrace
remember…

IMG_0745
my eyelids are heavy
it is still dark
i think of docs mom…
how at this moment
she needs me
to help her move
and settle into
her last home
a place she fears
because at 86
she knows
she needs help to live…
she gets it
but acceptance is much tougher.
i wish i could lift this burden from her
i wish i could do more…
i close my eyes and
there stands before me NYC!
my youngest is moving
there in two weeks
to start her first job
in her dream career…
i love her
and am so proud of her
but how do i help her too?
she needs a new home
a safe place
to begin
the chapter of her…
list upon list
twirls within
and then i fall back
into darkness
tangle up my limbs tight
and feel the weight of life
upon my chest
i am crying softly…

don't let him get to you

i sleep fitfully a while longer
rise
say good morning to God
and hit the road…
today the kids drive
home from the OBX
tomorrow we see mom
show her the wedding pictures
and videos then
drop the bomb on her…
“in 4 days Sheri will move you
to your new home…”
tomorrow we will sit
with our baby girl
at my mothers table
and ask
“how can we help…”
together
as a family we will do this
we will start the final chapter
in moms life.
nick and jules will begin their first
chapter as husband and wife
emily will blaze her new trail
and then the house will settle
my mind will still
the boys will mope
and life
routine
will return…
Chapter 2
you will be a tough one
on this ole girl
but as long as i walk
in my faith
and trust God
i know i can make it…
because waiting here for me
is my tiny Bali Studios
all the beautiful women
who paint with me
my new book release
my art show
and let us not forget
the HOLIDAYS!
maybe
just maybe
i will fold myself
back into that tiny suitcase
and blast up to NYC
to watch baby girl
start living her dream…

IMG_4804