fast life swollen eyes at nautilus teachings

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the coffee is not strong enough
the cup too small…
for the third day
i look as if i have been in a fight
with swollen and black eyes
and i guess in a way
i have.
after an amazing summer session
with all by creative and talented
Bali Kids
august arrived…
august is when i take a month break
to rest, breathe
and plan all my fall classes
its when i sleep 30 minutes longer
meditate three times a day
am still, listening
observing
creating…
this year
WHAM!

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emotions ran high
two adult children
moved home
another was getting married
still another was getting divorced
thats 4 of our 5 kids…
and i stepped up
taking over my mom-in-laws
finances and the task
of finding her long-term-care facility
to move to-
the list goes on and on…
i had no energy left
i was already depleted…
i became
silly putty
stretched in so many
different directions
i lost my temper
i used ugly words
and as you all know
broke open in a way
i was embarrassed,
ashamed of
and not only hurt
someone i love dearly
but was hurt in return…
the past three months
have taken their toll on me
i have grown to understand
i cannot ever neglect me
my time
and that i can say NO…

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the divorce happened
the wedding was the most perfect day
I can remember
the baby moves to NYC in three days
my middle beauty is
settling in her new town,
happy, and has forgiven me…
and mom,
well she is transitioning
and given time
she will manage her life
and accept this is home
until she dies…
life is good?
alas, yes
it is returning
little by little to my quiet
sheri, colorful, still world
routine is settling in
the boys are moping less
demands becoming smaller
and the images
are beginning to appear
for paint classes
inside my head…

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fall…
a time when the world
goes to sleep
and for me
to wake up
jump into the water
and ride that ever calling wave
of my life
balancing upon my faith
knowing
this is my time too…
my 9th anniversary
to the man i dearly love
is soon,
i have a show to plan
i have two new books to market
the hope my son and new bride
will successfully find jobs
here and make the move
that baby girl will find
her permanent residence
and we will get to fly up
visit and marvel at her
incredible talent and creativity
and growth
that thanksgiving when my freckled beauty
comes home we get to laugh
share a bottle of wine
and begin a healthy adult relationship

or titos!
or titos!

and that mom,
oh mom, will begin to relax
laugh and breathe easier…
i am ready i think
my cup is empty
but flowing over
with faith
with the knowing
placing all this in God’s hands
is how i am sleeping
12 hours every night right now…
that, and complete exhaustion…
i hear the boys playing
my husband strumming his ukulele
as my phone begins to buzz
over and over
the day has begun…
sunday,
fun day
be a kid day…
i think i will make a second cup of coffee
turn off my phone
and go see mom…

play, still, silence, gratitude
play, still, silence, gratitude

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