grace emerges from within at nautilus teachings

 

 

trust your faith
trust your faith

2007-Studio-The closet under the red painted steps becomes my under the sea world. Fancy Fins , the 3’x 4’ painting hangs above my gold and tan covered futon in the sky blue corner of my studio. It represents the joyous feeling of freedom and protection I feel when in my wooden, triangle haven closet. It’s where the lime green and sunflower yellow sea grasses wave a friendly hello. Where tiny, linen white fish with baby pink lips and cobalt blue fins swim to greet me and wrap me in a clear, protective shell of approval. The wise old Hawksbill has transformed himself into a royal purple and rosy pink reef fish with large scalloped angel wings of transparent, liquid, magnificent purple.
In my world
under the red
wooden steps
there is no need
for the hard shell
of protection
Under the steps
Mr. Hawksbill can play
laugh
and just be
a soft green
hatchling again.
1960’s-I love my mother’s imperial purple and emerald closet.
I suppose it is also my father’s as it is the only closet in the whole down stairs. His musty browns and rainy day grays are merely silky reflecting ponds for the vibrant colors of my mother.
The angled, cedar smelling closet is under the red wooden steps. The inside of the door is dark brown and on it hang my father’s ties. His ties remind me of Picasso paintings all jumbled up and angled. The myriad of colorful ties gives way to an endless sketch book of whimsical and lively reef fish. The color filled closet is in the lavender room with the lavender and pink polka dot wallpaper. This room holds my white wooden twin bed with a white ruffled comforter. Upon the bed sit my three foot tall raggedy Ann and Andy.
“Come in my closet and play,” I whisper to my life sized dolls. “It’s safe in here, I promise.”
Raggedy Ann and Andy stare back at me with the midnight eyes. I hear them murmur to each other then I hear, “Sheri, be careful, look out.”
The door flies open and my toe headed brothers are standing there with a big grins upon their faces. I look to my dolls and their bodies have fallen in towards each other.
“The magic is gone, “ I think to myself. I look at my brothers and one picks his nose and flicks it across the room toward me. They look at each other and laugh.
Your smiles
Are full of hatred
Your actions
full of pain
When no one sees you hurt me
How can I complain?
I take it and I cry
Within my cornered wall
Knowing evil haunts you
And soon will be
Your time to fall.
Into shadowed corners
Or waters midnight blue
Reaching up for me to save you
I’ll know not what to do
For the hatred that I feel for you
Burns within my heart
I want to live away from you
I want a brand new start.
But I cannot leave my mother
Your anger kills her more each day
I wonder when she’s praying
Does she ask God to
Take you away?
I know she’d never wish that
But deep down I think it’s true
My mother she may love you
But liking you is hard to do.