HIS hold on her -part 3- at nautilus teachings

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after winning lottery,
she could never leave
she would look
like a gold-digger
so she packed up her family
and she moved
them all
far far away
to a new start
new friends
new church
new life…
at first life was ok.
but a month into
their new life
HE began staying
on the sofa
smoking every day
not bathing
drinking too much
and she even caught him
with drugs…
this time
she told her story to
another man
and this man
decided to make her laugh
and touch her softly
and make love to her
this man promised
they would take her children
and sail away from HIM…
and then HE found out
He began hitting her
on the steps
which led to their upstairs
and she took it
because she knew she deserved it…
and the HE left.
and she felt free.

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by now her handsome son
was himself rebelling a bit
smoking
drinking
having sex
but she still
remembered
his softness as a child
and how much she loved him
she still believed
he was safe
had a good life…
her girls
seemed ok
they were happy
had friends
laughed a lot
involved in sports
and school activities
all three had good grades…
so she stayed.
HE returned.
they went to counseling.
HE forgave her
and they celebrated
10 years together
by restating their vows…
18 months after
their move
and 3 months after
their vow renewal
HE told her…
the girls were outside
running with friends
her son was on the
football field
warming up for his game
and HE
with just a few words
lifted a weight off her shoulders…
“i like to dress up
in women’s clothes…”

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he said so much more
but that’s all she heard
and for the first time
in a long time
she laughed…
she laughed so hard
she began crying.
then she looked at HIM
and said,
“thank you.
i always thought
it was me…”
then they held hands
and sat with the girls
as a happy family
watching her son
play football…
all the while thinking
to herself
‘i am nothing.
i am worthless.
i cannot protect
my son
or my daughters
because i cannot
even protect myself.’
she accepted this life
as her punishment
for never having the strength
to stand up
and find a way
to be
the woman
she was born to be,
so she settled
this time
and decided
staying was better
than leaving,
or
would it be?

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