i am good at nautilus teachings

acceptance of self
acceptance of self

sometimes
I struggle
To accept
That I am good
I want to rid my life
Of all the corners
I hide in
I want to heal the wounds
With super glue
So I never have to feel the pain
I want to plant gardens
Of beautiful lilac bushes,
Lily of the valley flowers
And soft yellow daffodils
So I wake to a fragrance
That washes away the stench
Of the filth I floated in for so long
I want to learn to play the piano
So I can sing myself home
Anytime I just cannot seem
to paint my way out…
I want to fill my world
With the knowledge
That I am good

begin to heal foundation up
begin to heal foundation up

A week of reflection
Has reinforced in me
The fact that
I have not yet healed
I have been walking blindfolded
Deaf to my own words
My own preaching
Of inner peace
And my lack of ability
To breathe through anxiety
I carry with me
The stains of my youth
The mistakes of my adulthood
And the regrets of my life so far
I can easily express hurt
In my photography
In my writing
I allow pain to wash over me
And carry me down the streams
Of what I cannot undo
Outwardly I smile,
I love,
I give
I
Share…
Vibrant colors surround me
They fill up the empty canvases
With childish images of my immature self
Do I really want to grow up?
Do I really wish to heal?
Or do I feed upon my memories
And cherish them because they fuel
My creativity
Am I looking for the easy way out?
What have I learned in the past 5 years?
do I still crave more knowledge
Of my craft, my life, my family…?

never stop dreaming
never stop dreaming

I wish to be able to
Smell the school bus yellow tomatoes sweetness
That sit upon my counter each day until I eat them
I want to lie in the soft grasses and smell the baby sprouts
Growing up towards the canary yellow sun that warms my world
I want to step into the ocean
One baby step at a time and begin to feel
The healing waters I write so deeply and passionately about
I want to begin to write the story of my heart
The good story
The one that cradles me at night
The one that warms me in the brisk wind
The one that sings when I look into the eyes of the man I love
Or sit and listen to our children speak of their grown up lives
I want to sit in silent awe at the amazing grace
All around me and bloom…
Not for the world to see
But for me
So when I stand in front of the mirror each day
I feel proud of who I am
I feel washed of the sins of my past
I feel thankful for all of my life
I feel the love which is so freely given to me
And most of all
That I am good

just be YOU
just be YOU

2 Comments

  1. martina

    How do you move on and let go…I seem to just lay awake night after night.. I cry.. I dream of giving up…

    • Sheri Stewart

      Martina-I just saw this. My apologies.
      I don’t give up because i listen to the calling my faith. i get up and throw paint, or write. i get up and run till i fall. i get up and create anything-that nourishes my soul. i give it all to God. i meditate and pray and believe , trust in God to heal me. and HE does…

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