insideout at nautilus teachings

 

Out
Inside

Walking through the doorway
Colors blind me
Peeking in the window
Tubes of paint splatter
Rolling back the rugs
To reveal encirlced blue ocean droplets
And cleaning up the pieces
Of the scattered puzzles of my life

I stand tall
A slight bend in my trunk
Branches stretching out and up
I have been swung upon,
Scarred
Cut open
My roots
Weak from age
I reach upward
Knowing
My Shell
Does not
Echo
My
Soul…

Annual rings
Date my life
Rusted keys
Shine from golden chains
Padlocks
Gone, no doors exist
Broken glass
Pieced together form brilliant hues
Seeping wounds
No longer drip but glisten
Cornered darkness
Now reveals soft curves
I am a kaleidoscope
Twist me and I unfurl

i was born
Law abiding
Obedient
Control freak
OCD beauty
Boundaried
Cornered
Hushed
Black clothed
Perfectionist

but now,
I break every rule
Listen only to me
Color outside lifes story lines
Am makeup free with long whispy hair
I roam this earth
Sailing vessels, climbing mountains
Singing my soul words
Wearing tattoos of my life
I am a fighter in a lesbian porn movie

Curled up within the dark corners
My eyes are filled with water
My hands hold my bleeding heart
My words my only truths
My paintings speak my life
My sails are full, wind at my back
I can see a colorful garden of choices to behold
Surrounded by love, protected by faith
I no longer stutter, my words in harmony with my lips
Black edges released I am a blending of many palettes

Peel back my layers
I am the wave that breaks the straight lines of life
Pluck the petals
I am the silent wishes which float with the breeze
Untwist the fabric
I am the tie dyed, sun kissed, cotton sheeting
Let the gutters fill and overflow
I am the drip drops of color upon the blank canvas of my life

Inside-Out

I awake to fish friends greeting me
Nightmares gone
My feet hit early pavement and I am free
Thoughts and images cleared
I surround myself with light, color and faith
The past burned, ashes floating away
I smile knowing I am free, I am good
Words and knives bounce off me
I am living inside out
with pieces of me
Reflecting off
the calm waters
Of my life…
and should a tsunami
a upwelling from my past emerge
what then?
i am now holstered
with strength
dignity
voice
all held together
with my faith…
push me further?
i am armed
with protection
in the knowledge
that i am trained
i think clearly
and if ever my life
or the life of those
i love
is threatened
i can hit a target
without blinking
from 100 yards away…
it may have taken me a while
to know
i am no longer small
and embrace the truth

I
Am
Fucking
alive

it is not my job to judge
to demean
to belittle
to put down…
if you are my friend
i am riding in your pocket
whispering over and over
“you’ve got this”
“i’ve got your back”
“have faith”
“believe in yourself”
urging you to memorize
the words of our Father,

“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me”
Philippians 4:13

let your inside
live on the outside
show the world
what a beautiful
person
you are,
without fear,
hesitation
or regret!
you’ve got this…