pausa at nautilus teachings

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Bury me
in the sand
so only the tippy top
of my face is free
and my cheeks
can soak up the warmth
of the sunshine
and the oranges
Yellows
and whites
will come shooting
out of my fingers and toes
and fill the sand with happiness
Wrap me
in a blanket
like a newborn baby
A soft purple or pink
cotton blanket
with the silky edges
that feel like feathers
when you gently brush
them across your skin
and it tickles
and makes you blush
with anticipation
of the next light stroke of glee
Just leave me alone
I will find a way
to survive
in my world of colors
I will find zillions
of palettes to paint
over and over
I will adorn every home
with twinkle lights
so no one is ever lost
or scared
I will fill the yards
with lily of the valley
for sweet melodic tunes
to drift you to sleep
and lilacs
to fill your world
with only the most
delicious scents
There will be
no doors on closets
only wide open
Mirrored
lit spaces
that are only deep enough
to hold a shirt hanger
and not hide a menacing
torturing demon
or a little girl
who is so afraid
all she wants to do
is hide

believe
believe

Do not
come into my space
to harm me
or take away my dreams
for I will crush you
I will spit upon you
the evil
which has been done
to me
and I will cut you into pieces
and laugh
all the while you lie there bleeding
Just throw away the key now
Do it!
Do it because
I cannot stand to live
in the outside world
much longer
How do you live
with demons
who take away
all the hope of waking
with a smile upon your face?
You don’t
you just exist
and walk on borrowed time
‘til you can once more
color another canvas
with another dream.
Take me away
from my hurting, bleeding self
I am afraid
the torture I suffer
the daily tormenting
with words and deed
will turn me into a monster
Will turn this sweet little girl
into a demon
just like them
I don’t want to fight it
my whole life
but I have to
I cannot allow their evil
to dwell in me
Yet it eats away at my inner self
my image, my strengths
my ambition
I am turning into
a cowering mouse
A person who cannot feel
who deserves
not to be loved
but to be abused
For how can there be love
without abuse?

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