sleepless at nautilus teachings

in words i am home

sleepless
at 4am
the words
are encircling
my entirety
i cannot sleep
a voice
echoes
urging me to listen
to still
and then
to release…
how can i explain
it to you
how do i get you
to understand
that just as
images
tingle upon
my fingers
and begin a
tidal wave
of colors
splashing
across my soul,
until i roll out
of bed
and begin
layer upon
soothing layer
of mixing
blending and dotting
until i am
splattered head to toe
in paint
only then do i
truly breathe
does the trembling
begin to ebb…

awash in blue

with writing
there is non stop
chatter in my head
i can actually see
the words floating
all around me
patiently waiting
all lined up
to be typed…
they are in a slow
twirling movement
i am on the outside
looking in at myself
covered
in script
and when i enter
into this
stream of consciousness
i do not stop
until
there is silence
and once again
i begin
to breathe
to flow
slowly back into
my life…
this gift i have
of creating
with different mediums
and words
can be maddening
and i understand
why so many
artists and authors
suffer from addictions
you see,
you cannot control it
nor can you fight it
or go about it in a
lackadaisical
manner
you must must must
submit
and commit
your whole being
to the
undeniable
passionate
truth
of
needing to be heard
seen
felt
and ultimately
taken home
hung on someones wall
or read
page by page
as they take
into themselves
pieces of you…

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should you
could you
would you
call me crazy?
i don’t know.
what i do know is
i love
being able
to share with
all of you
what has been
given to me
free and clear…
do i work at it?
take classes in it?
keep learning?
of course!
and if you ever
were to drive by my house
in the wee hours
of the morning
you will see
a small candlelight flickering
wise old mr hawksbill
guiding me
and the boys
asleep at my feet
patiently waiting
for mommy
to come up for air…

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