the girl on the ledge at nautilus teachings

ps_2011_11_08___13_17_33

the tiny girl stood
on the ledge
shaking…
brown eyes filled with tears
she had no choice
this precipice
was her life
gazing up
towards God’s light
she began to pray,
“Lord,
protect me, hold me
lead my life…”
her eyes shifted
toward the crack
inches from her pink toes
she had no choice
she must endure
for now…
one day she would
blaze her own path
but until then
it was put up
shut up
and take it…
many years were spent here
she would paint it
wash it
sleep on it
and as she grew
so too did her strength
through her faith…
battle scarred, exhausted
and broken she closed her eyes
and prayed,
“Lord i am weary, please
lead me to your chosen path…”
a small wind began to tussle
her long tangled hair
she stretched her arms upward
released her wings
and plunged with all her strength
forward
expecting to descend
in a cascading spiral…

past
yet she was calmed
and lifted
by the hand of God
the wings of her faith
sustaining her…
her life had been filled
with pressure
to conform,
to do as told,
of never having a voice
or being heard…
was this all imagined?
was she crazy?
of course
there were expectations
she could not just walk away from,
but her voice
her tiny, colorful voice
kept singing louder
and louder
with each passing year
until at last the calling
was too much…
her path had to be
away…

new path, new choices
new path, new choices

from a love which
did not feed her,
demands she was
tethered to
and false truths.
breaking all ties
to that with which she knew
as her chosen life,
she placed her blinders on
muted her senses
and began.
she would not look back
she would not feel
she would no longer
allow into her space
the poison that was thrown at her
even though it was her own
truths being hurled
directly towards her,
encompassing her…
she was flawed beauty.
her inside smothered
her outside breaking
into scattered pieces…
she dipped her toes
into water blue and walked
briskly against the current
her feet dragged
her arms heavy
heart shattered
she pushed on
smiling
shedding
all her masks…

found myself
found myself

she would create
the artist
and writer
she only dreamed of.
she would answer
the calling of her soul
leaving all behind…
it was as if she peeled off
the outer layer of her skin
and watched it float away,
tearing into shreds
in the brisk winds
of yesterdays pain…
she had a safe landing spot
she knew she was loved
she knew she would be protected
encouraged
supported
held…
as she began acceptance
of her truths
releasing her pain
forgiving those who hurt her
she was able to begin swimming
and the current of her life
changed…
she found herself inside
the nautilus…
the staircase rotting
lay in pieces upon the ground
each one a memory
of pain
she had now
released upon canvas
and in words…
she let the tide roll through her
washing away all debris…
falling to her knees
she began a new staircase
with roots grounded in faith…
each time a tsunami would
rush over her being
the anger she once felt
now floated around her
in tiny bubbles
she could
pop, pop, pop
with a soft blow
across her pink lips
then float buoyantly
in the calm seas of her faith…
no one could stop her now
no one would tell her what to do
who to love
or what to say…
all the sorrows in her life
had been wept out to sea
and all the secrets
became her truths
setting her free…
tiny girl upon the ledge
designing a life
for all to see
took a chance on herself
and finally began
to realize her dreams…

you go girl
you go girl