the GUY at nautilus teachings

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who out there
has that
GUY…
the one you
were best friends with
dated
fell in love with…
that one 
GUY
years ago
the one
you made the
promise to…
“if we’re not married by ___ age
we will get married…”
or,
“when our spouses die
we will get married…”
you know the
GUY
he listened to all your stories
dried all your tears
made you giggle
taught you to laugh
at yourself
maybe was your first
or for sure, memorable…
i have asked several of
my girlfriends this question
over the last year.
the answer-
a resounding
YES!
so,
if we have that
GUY,
do men
have that
GIRL????????????
i am thinking not
with the main reason being
when women loose their husband
they may be heartbroken
but most
don’t remarry
they find solace
in silence
not needing to
care for any one
accept themselves
it’s almost as if
any heaviness
is just
gone-
where as men
may wait a few months
but soon they are
right back on the prowl.
men are born with this
instinct
to hunt
gather
reproduce
to stand up
beat their chests
and scream
‘here i am
come and get me
look at me…’

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which brings me back
to that
GUY….
would you try to
find him
on FB
instagram
linkedin
tweet his name
go to your old school
reunion
in hopes of spotting him?
or would you just
wait
be
exist
find yourself
travel
sleeping for days
adopt a house of dogs
aimlessly wander?
in all fairness
to my friends
i never asked this question
because i was so caught
up in hearing their stories
of their
GUY!
i loved that i was normal
for once in my life
i felt like
i fit in
which sent my thoughts
back to 36 years ago
and my
GUY…
specifics
don’t matter
but i remember
the words
the days of youth
the promise
and then
LIFE
just ebbed and flowed
and
here i am today
thinking
would i
could i
contact
him
if something
ever happened
to my d?

th
honestly
no.
i am not 18
nor am i the person
i was at 18
as he probably is not
either…
i have had my one
great love
the person
who loves me
no matter what
is the glue to
our blended family
makes me giggle
every day
holds my hand
supports everything i do
calls our house
‘sheri’s house’
and just
embraces
artsy
crazy
OCD
control freak
dog loving
me
PLUS
shhhhh
i absolutely
love love love
being alone…
for 42 years
i only found
myself
in silence
art
writing
corners
closets
safe spaces.
i ignored d
for a whole year
before i even
thought of letting him in
and for both of us
going through the whole
marriage thing
AGAIN
was a huge deal…
do i think he has
that
GIRL?
nope
do i care?
of course….
what woman
wants the love of her life
to kiss, touch, make love to
hold any other woman?
i remember a friend of ours words…
she died 5 years ago
from cancer
she was soft,
beautiful
fiercely loved her husband
and once she accepted
she was going to die
her main concern
was not death itself
but…
“those hussies are going to stand
in line waiting to grab my man…”
this still makes me giggle
because he has remarried
he is happy
he has someone to take care
of him
and after all
isn’t that really what men want
someone to be kind
cook, clean, raise the kids….
the list goes on.
men
need
women.
so,
now the question is
will my
GUY
find me
if and when his spouse dies?
only
time
will
tell…

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