the missing friend at nautilus teachings

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he showed up
at our door.
a friend
we had not seen
in a long time
someone who was
once close
stopped calling
no longer popped in
or even texted…
and on this night
there was a knock
upon the door.
when i saw him
i smiled
and grabbed him close
“where have you been…”
and then
the slurred words…
“ya know, just around…”
he was drunk.
i took my dogs outside
and began praying
as i swung on the swing
beneath my oak tree
gazing at the stars in the sky-
“lord, help our friend…”
he had left his car
on and the radio blaring…
was this his cry for help?
we don’t know.
what we do know is
he hopped in his car
and took off
arriving down the street
at another friends house…
this made me mad
reminded me of my ex
and soon
i was man bashing to d-
“what is wrong with him?
he’s an idiot, he has so much…”
and
“he just turns his head to him
just like he did to his wife…”
then
“what was his idiot button on
what was he thinking…”

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we know from years of trying
we cannot help our friend
we know we must continue
to pray he hits rock bottom
without hurting someone…
living with an alcoholic
being friends with one
is super hard
because we love them
we want them better
self abuse
is not our fault.
i have learned from living
with an alcoholic drug addict
for 15 years
the best thing i ever did
was leave with my kids
i had to stop caring about him
i had to let him destroy himself…
painful?
yes
necessary
even more so…
i was trapped in his delusional word
i was enabling him by
sweeping his abuse under the table
by taking it
by forgiving over and over…
i stayed only because
i did not want to be divorced…
stupid, i was…
no more.
if this is your life
ask yourself why you stay
then pack a bag
pack up your kids
and find a safe place to land
and ask God to come into your heart
guide you and be your home.
faith will sustain you,
i
am
living
proof…

believe
believe