traveling at nautilus teachings

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i close my eyes
my leg is shaking
i begin to breathe
in and out
in rhythm to the silky music
cascading from the soft
earphones into my head…
i hate flying.
those who know me well
know this
but this is a flight i am excited to take
to an island home
i once inhabited
surrounded with water
wild seagrasses waving to me
sand as far as i can see
arms ready to embrace me
ears to listen
meals to be shared
and so, so, so much blue
i want to immerse myself within
the cool, calm waters of my youth…
the plane quickly takes flight
i begin to feel a floating movement
this reminds me of when i was little
and my father would hold my hands
and twirl me round and round in circles
always landing me upon the soft
kelly green grasses of my youth
that were filled with lily of the valley
chiming all around me
bright yellow buttercups
calling me to wade barefoot in the creek
in Lords park
and the excitement of watching
the russet squirrels munch on nuts
while the fuzzy caterpillars climb lazily
upon the low hanging branches
and the flitting butterflies
sweep up and down
in and out
inviting me to run, chase and eventually
roll down the hills filled with leaves
landing perfectly under the juicy vine grape
i get to plop,plop,plop into my mouth
tasting the sweet color of purple…

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i look down towards the floor of the plane
and i notice the mans socks across the isle
they are blue with white stripes-
in an instant i catch my breath
and calm
the hues of blue
the symmetry of lines
remind me of home
of order
of routine
and i bounce back to todays
poolside romp with my boys
finn and reef…
they are so easily entertained
and just love, love, love playing ball
the boys and i walk to the dock
the wind is crisp and caresses my skin
i look up towards the heavens
and begin a conversation with God,
“Lord this is my home
and today i get to fly –
something you know i hate, hate, hate-
but it is to watch my once curly headed
wonder boy
who is now a handsome young man
about to marry a beautiful young beauty …
how blessed i am
how grateful i am
for my life
and love
and family…
bring us safely home to blue
be with us
guide us
and make this time with family
a beautiful memory
filled with giggles, hugs, smiles, love, faith
and even forgiveness…”

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a fish jumps up and skitters across the water
his sliver scales glisten in the afternoon sun.
i am restless.
Reef sees a bird and runs towards the edge
of the dock
finn close behind
they watch him fly away
i notice the glide and expanse of his wings
the beauty and grace of flight…
back on the plane
we are served nuts and pretzels
i watch as each person in view
pops one piece at a time into their mouths
savoring this tiny treat…
how silly we are to be so excited
about an offering
most of us would probably never have
but here
today
at this moment
it is yummy…
the sky is dark
for it is night
the noise on the plane
is too loud for me
so i pop in my earplugs
and turn on Kip Mazuy
i am rolled in memory
like a baby wave
kissing the sandy shore
it is morning
my feet hit the ground
sun not yet up
chill in the air
i love my moments
with God on my run
i listen
i cry
i pray
and
when i am safely home
those two scruffy, hairy faces
with big eyes peer from windows ledge
tails wagging
ready to lick me
upon entrance back inside
our tiny island home…
all of this-
life,
memories
schedules
ground me
i love routine

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having my breakfast bar
with my latte
while i read devotion
mediate and pray
but for the next 6 days
this will be packed away
in a soft blanket
ready for me to pull out
wrap around my body
and remember
blue
home
da boys
and
my
color filled world
i get to live in…
i love my quiet
imaginary
creative
space
it is brimming
with memory
dreams
words
all released upon canvas
writ in journals
and waiting to be revealed
to the world
but for now
it patiently waits
for this mid-western
island chick
to pick a date
find a venue
invite people
and hope
they will take time
out of their busy saturday night
and come see what i
have freely given to this world
and wish for them to take home…
the plane is still
a soft hum reverberates
throughout my body
i am exhausted
missing my hard couch
candles
and ice cold glass of titos!!!
today
as with every day
is a gift
i am given health
happiness
family
friends
and i travel into
a world also
filled with those
wonderful things…
i close my eyes one more time
the waves are crashing
water is trickling down
yet with each
boom, boom, boom
upon the shore
each toe teased by the
gurgling white water
i carry the awareness
no matter where i am
who i am with
the inside of me
which is my nautilus
my faith
centers me
allowing me
to release all burdens
wipe a remedial balm
across old scars
for protection
and step boldly off this
jet plane
and into the hands
of a cradled past
held together
with the bonding agent
of unconditional love
through my faith…

thanks be to God
thanks be to God