unconditional at nautilus teachings



for your family
loved ones
of their truths
of their mistakes
to listen
to hold
to help, heal and guide

as parents
and friends
is there a line
we cease
the ‘unconditional’
turn our backs
cut them from our lives
walk aways
once more
in the hope
in the
we once
had faith in?

let me tell you a true story

the heart
can deceive the brain.
we trust the rapid beating,
the warmth
which encompasses us,
when in a place
we deem
unconditionally loved.

this is her story

from the day
her eyes met his
he loved her
she trusted him
they were
in a way
no one could ever


he blew it

he turned toward evil
and punished her
in every imaginable way
making her
and needing to find a way
to fix him…

he left her alone

and she
to imitations of
always failing
in her attempts
to mend their
evil ways,
always taking
the punishments given
without saying a word…

one day
she moved
back towards
and once again
only this time
she knew
he was living untruths
faking illness
to get money
putting on masks
to get praise
being raised up
in unknown places
as being a savior
all while she
crumbled inside,
tried to forgive and
smile every day…
her inner strength
began wavering
each time he
appeared at her home
banging on the door
completely altered
spewing ugly words at her
leaving her threatening notes
the worst of which
was an empty
peanut butter jar
with a sharp knife inside
point side up
a piece of paper
skewered to it
which read,
‘i hate you.
i will pin your eyelids open
tie you down
and make you watch me…’

what would you do?
what did she do?

she left.
she never looked back.
he kept returning
watching her from a distance
calling and leaving messages
of filth
he even mailed her
their love story
as he imagined it
and each item
she packed in a box
put it in storage
and knew one day
there would be
a final goodbye
only it would be on her terms
and not his…

did she love and forgive him


and this
was the mountain now
before her
the one she had to climb alone,
the one she must conquer…
but first,
she had to walk down
into the deep dark pit
of her past
and wade through
every single
she knowingly entered into
lies and falsity
no matter her age and maturity
for it was she who had chosen
to wear her rose colored glasses
and unsee the truths
which were so clear
to everyone else in her life,
she constantly denied
she was picking men
who needed to be saved…

the path
she knew
would be a tough one
and the journey,

it was just time.
she wanted to smile
and to laugh
she wanted to dream.
she chose
a winding staircase
labeling each step
a different stage
she would grow through~
lit her candle
bowed her head in prayer
closed her eyes
and began

As I sit today and release this all into your arms, your heart, your love, I ask that you please help me to smile more, love deeper and forgive as you have taught me. To understand the weakness of many people, all men who gave in to rage, hatred and bitterness. I know not what drove them to such violence, but I am thankful that through all of this I have had you and your love. I am allowed such grace and joy today in releasing my colors to the world and sharing my soulful palette because of your love. The center of my life is and always will be you and my faith.
The choices I have made along my life’s path have not always reflected deep thought and at times reflected that at I too am a lost sheep. That I can and will stray off the path
Of love and light. I know I am filled with sin of my own from all the varied corners of my life.
For not listening I ask your forgiveness.
I thought because I was so filled with your love and grace that I could save him. I did not want you to see me fail – again – in love.
Forgiveness becomes much simpler when I know that you are walking hand in hand with me, God. When I understand and accept my truths and release them to you, I allow the words of Jesus on the cross to ring true, “Father, forgive them.”
As I go forward from this day I will work towards living a simpler life, a more loving and giving life. One full of forgiveness and light. I know the images and hurt will continue to roll in to my life like a tidal wave-unpredicted and unwanted. During these times of submersion, as I relive the horrible pain and humiliation of weakness and defeat, I will turn to you once again and ask for their forgiveness, as I have forgiven them.
Forgetting may never be part of my earthly life Lord. Yet I realize, “forgetting is not essential in forgiving because the memory of injustice does not require that we eternally lust for revenge. It is possible in the grace of God for all the pain of injustice to be removed while the scar of memory remains-not as a memory that causes the pain to be relived, but as a memory that forms identity and allows the story to move toward a happy ending even though the middle of the story contains undeniable pain.” (Brian Zahnd-UNconditional, The Call of Jesus to Radical Forgiveness)
In all that I do, or am or will be I have only you to thank, Lord….

this is her journey.
you know her
she healed.

through Nautilus: A message of Faith
i am here to help
you take your own
first step
towards healing…

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