wednesdays at nautilus teachings

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today was my
wednesday
even though
it’s a monday…
i had not seen
mom for a couple
of weeks,
but what i loved about today
was that it was raining…
it was a day
i would normally
cocoon
paint
write
create
take it all to myself,
because
that what my
monday’s
usually are…
for a long time now
i had not had
my monday’s
so today was
my first monday,
but i needed it to be
a wednesday…
i needed to see mom.
it’s raining,
there is soft music playing
in my car
the wipers are gently
soothing me,
the AC is blasted,
which i LOVE-
i am still
hot and sweaty
from the gym,
my green tea is in my had
and i am getting ready
to drive over the bridge.
the peace
calm
quiet
damp
grayness
of this day
is enveloping me
and i feel the stress
of the last 7 months
begin to waterfall off of me…

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it’s been a long journey.
a lot of craziness.
there has been some anger
tears
and a ton of negative vibrations,
but today
i get to drive
in the rain
to go see mom,
WOWZA!
it’s such a gentle, cloudy rain
that it is peaceful…
i remember a month ago
after all the happenings
with mom
being in the hospital
and rehab
doc undergoing his
second surgery
and needing me
due to his pain,
not being able to take
medicine
because it would cloud
his genius brain
and he needs to be
100% clear to help people
makes him deal with intense pain
how to manage it-
i cannot fathom it
i can empathize for him
but i cannot even
imagine what he is suffering through…
a month ago
i was weeping
in my car
a block from moms
assisted living,
eating doritos
and drinking a water,
something i never ever do
because i just don’t eat
junk food…
i tell you this because
we all
break!
my way is either
throwing paint
hiding in a corner
crying,
all of the above combined
and on a rare occasion
when i believe
i am worthless
i am no good
i am stupid
ugly
fat
i buy a single serving bag
of doritos
and munch on them…

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don’t we all have those days?
but today,
is not one of those days…
it’s a beautiful
soft
rainy day
people are driving slow
some are meandering with
umbrellas,
but it’s almost as if
life is in
slow motion
and
i love it,
i just love it!
so whether or not this
is a monday
that is supposed
to act and dress up like a
wednesday
or a wednesday
that acts like a friday,
i embrace this
whole beautiful mess
of my colorful life
knowing
every day
i get to wake up
is a gift…

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