a confession at nautilus teachings

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hear my confession…
i am scared of
the dark…
as a child i spent
so much of my life hiding
in dark places
corners
closets
basements
for protection
that as i grew up
i found them all
to be suffocating
always needing
air
light
color.
when darkness hits so early now
i light my candles
close my eyes
and still myself…
i know i am safe
i know no-one will hurt me
but it still sends tremors
throughout me
which is actually quite funny
because if you ask my husband
he will tell you,
when its morning
i love the dark…
love to rise in it
run in it
be encompassed by it
but morning darkness
is different from evening dark

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when i wake to run
and step onto my porch
i am greeted
with thousands of tiny
twinkling lights in the sky
and a moon
hanging effortlessly
with each
tap, tap, tap of my shoes upon pavement
kip mazuy
playing upon my iPod
i am at peace
as the sky takes on color
and the sun rises
i am ready for the day…
but then
dusk
memories
pain
seep in
and i find myself
curling up into a ball
in candlelight…
i could turn on the lights
but i don’t
i like the softness
the glow
of the wicks
it reminds me
of birth
of a new day…

bali studios awaits you
bali studios awaits you

when i have
paint classes at Bali Studios
at night i love driving up to
my building and seeing the
glow of all the lights
when i enter my studio
i plug in the twinkle lights
strung all around
light a candle
say a prayer
asking for blessings
start up my computer
press play for Kip
close my eyes
and imagine
all the colors
which will burst forth
from the brushes
in the hands of all
the beautiful ladies
who grace my studio…
yes,
it will be dark
and some of them
will stay home
but for those who
dare to enter
the darkness
and make the drive
i promise
your world will be lit
with friendship
color
and laughter…
am i still
afraid of the dark?
it is more memories
that darkness …
i will light my candles
each evening
do my meditations
and i will also
greet the morning stars
knowing
the covering of night
allows all to sleep
giving birth
to
the beauty of a new day…

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