accept, love, forgive at nautilus teachings

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she sat and listened
to her friend speak-
“her mom has
3-6 months to live
and she won’t even
move up her wedding…”
“and the son
and his wife just
had a baby
and they will not
let them come visit…”
her head is spinning
she is beginning to
struggle for air…
she knows this woman
who is dying…
a gentle soul
not given enough life
as her loving husband
holds her
dries her tears
speaking words
only the two of them
can hear…
this was her life
so many years ago
as her own mother
lay dying
one of her brothers
moved across the country
another
living also in CA
never brought his two
beauties to meet
their grandmother
always using some excuse…
and months later
as their mother
lay unconscious
they both came home
with their family in tow
rushing into the room
“mommy, mommy, these are
your grand babies…”
grandchildren she never saw
held, hugged or touched
an adult son who
chose to live his life
on his own terms
another
running 3,000 miles away
to a job that was not even there…

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what keeps children from
parents who are dying?

well, you all know my story
you know i am not close
to my father or brothers
and you know why.
but you also know
i have forgiven and released
my relationship with all 4 of them…
when i heard my friend speak
these words
i thought,
“what would i do if my father was dying?”
my dad is 87.
i have told him
i will never see him again
unless i can see him alone.
regardless of
how i feel about
my father
i love him.
so, would i go see him?
the answer is
a resounding YES.
i would put aside my pain
so i could one last time
sit with him
tell him i love and forgive him
and then i would release him
i would say the words,
“dad, it’s ok to die…”
i know what it is like to be hurt
by a parent
to not be parented even
but this man gave me life…
i told my friend
“please ask her son and daughter to call me…”
all i can do is continue to lift up
this gentle woman in prayer
ask for her children to
put their mom first for one moment
of their important lives
to just make the call
let them visit
bring the baby
or even be married
in front of their mothers soft eyes…
the choices we make in young life
will haunt us in mid life…
look into your heart
find forgiveness
open the box
have the conversation
give your chapters endings…
i lost my mom when i was 25
i miss her every day…
i was there when she
slipped into unconsciousness
i watched her try to crawl
out of bed
and after 6 days
when my dad and all
her children were present
she opened her eyes
she hugged us
she cried
and we all prayed over her
telling her
“mom, it’s ok to die…
go home to God…
we love you…”
then we all left
leaving my father alone
with our beautiful mom
his one true love…
and in the short time
the two of them were
together
she went home…

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i would love to
walk on the beach with my father
love to talk to him
one on one…
i am still working on
the strength to book a ticket
to call him up
ask him to meet me for lunch…
what is stopping me?
just myself
my fear of sitting across
from him
still hearing him say,
“are you ever going to get a real job?
why don’t your kids call me?
when are you going to get your life together?…”
we don’t get to choose our parents
some of them are born broken
some do irrevocable damage to us…
i don’t know the story
of my dying friends relationship
with her children
all i know is
as a mom to three amazing kids
who have their own minds
are making their own choices
and living their life as they want
i love them silently from afar
pray for them
and call them,
even though they rarely answer
just hearing their message,
“hey this is………..”
fills this old girls heart
with memories of their first smiles and steps…
may this never happen to you or me…
accept , love and forgive
your adult children
they are making their way in the world
just like you and i once did…
and kids,
who now have a life
accept, love and forgive
your parents
they all did the best they could…

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