accepting your weaknesses at nautilus teachings

when you know the
inevitable is going to happen
you might as well just accept it
instead of stressing over it
loosing sleep
and lying.
what if you want to change
the pattern of behavior
you were raised in
to unlearn it
erase from memory
the words
and boundaries
given you
your whole life?
what if
you had not
been given a voice
allowed to make
your own choices
and always been
the good girl?
what then?
when we leave our home
to go away to college
or move out and get a job
we earn the responsibility
of beginning to make our own choices,
good and bad…
this is not an easy task
to accomplish,
especially if it means
putting our own values first.
it doesn’t mean you
necessarily rebel
but for a family of
control freaks
it can certainly appear
this is exactly what you are doing.
sher did not break it off with peter
peter did make the semi pro team
she was going to marry him
and if she had to lie to her parents
that is what she would do…
sher and peter agreed
they wanted a small wedding.
“ya know, schultz, i cannot wait for you
to see God’s country
where i live.
it is so beautiful.
my family is going to love you.”
sher was never worried about fitting in
but she was wondering
could she pack up and leave
just change her life
turn catholic
and let her parents go?
all three of her brothers
had already let her parents down
but they were also all
on the right track now
married with children
and happy.
sher had never rebelled.
never not done what they wanted,
the fact that she was at this school
was proof enough.
somehow she needed to find her voice
she needed strength
and to muster up courage
to go home and talk to her folks
before school let out.

the phone in the hall began to ring
sher ran to pick it up.
“hey sher, it’s dad.
listen mom fell today and broke
her ankle. i need you to come home
this weekend and help out…”
this was her sign.
‘absolutely dad. how’s mom doing?’
“she’s in a cast and hobbling along.
you know your mom
headstrong and stubborn.
i will see you friday night.”
she told peter about her mom.
“hey, why don’t i come home with you?
i can help out your dad if he needs.
i want to meet your parents…”
‘great idea, i will call my dad tomorrow
and let him know.’
she had not told peter
her parents told her to break it off.
what they were asking was unfair.
the next day her friend knocked on her door,
“phone for you. it’s your dad”
‘hey dad! i was just going to call you…’
“sher, mom fell again today and broke her wrist.
she’s a mess…”
‘oh no. well, i will be home friday night dad.
pete is coming with me. he wants to meet you.’
“no. sher i told you to break it off.
you are to young.
you cannot bring him here…”
what would you do?
how strong were you at 18?
could you defy your parents
knowing it would break their hearts?
sher broke the news to peter,
‘hey. my mom fell again and this time broke
her wrist. i need to go home alone this time.
my parents are a mess and my mom
doesn’t want to meet you with a
broken ankle and wrist!’
peter laughed,
“that’s fine. i will meet her in a few weeks…”
‘wow,’ sher thought, ‘that was easy.
he’s so kind.’
traveling home
in a car with no radio
gives you a ton of time to think
and for sher it was 90 minutes
of frustration and worry.
when she entered the house
her mom was asleep with two casts on
her dad was watching television.
‘hey dad…’
her dad got up and gave her a hug and kiss.
“it’s good to have you home.
mom sure misses you.”
the weekend was over in a flash
she did not have a conversation
with them about peter
because saturday night at dinner
her father and mother once more told her
after looking at peters class ring
perched upon her left hand,
“you cannot get married.
you are to young.
we expect you to break it off.”
sher just shook her head
she would never win
sher cried the whole
drive back to campus.
she knew she was too young.
she knew she barely knew peter.
she knew he was her first love.
what she did not know
was how to say no
to her parents.
she had never
stood up to them.
she unpacked her clothes
took a long shower
and poured herself a glass of wine.
then she gathered all her friends
for a night of fun
butt sliding down the hall
ending with pizza and beer
for everyone.
by 11 peter showed up smiling
that handsome face of his
melted her heart.
“hey, how come i wasn’t invited?” he kidded
‘hey, baby,’ sher said, ‘i missed you.’
she stood up
wrapped him in a wet hug
then gave him a kiss.
‘no men allowed, my handsome fiance’,
but i will see you tomorrow!’
then she padded his butt
and off he strolled.
she slid on her butt
down the hallway toward the girls
landing on their feet,
‘well, ladies. tonight we drink,
and tomorrow,
i accept reality…’