ain’t aging grand at nautilus teachings

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the year was 2004
i was living a whole
different life
in a beach town
in north carolina
when my doctor said,
“sher, you need a
colonoscopy…”
i was 42.
i prepped
i slept
i woke
doctor said,
“clean bill of health…”
life went on-
or did it?
i already knew
i was going to
divorce my husband
already planning to move
to cocoa beach
already knew
my life needed to change
i needed to grow up
and this final word
of being well
was the straw
which would start
me breaking apart
a life i had lived
for 15 years
it meant
shattering
my entire infrastructure
and rebuilding my life
upon my faith
with three children
beside me…
it is now
2016
and if you are reading this
then you know me…
know my story
of rebirth
of growing up
finding my strength,
my voice
having courage
to live my passion,
living truthfully
every day
no matter
who got hurt
who hated me
or who never
talked to me again…
i just did not care
i had one life to live
and i was tired
literally exhausted
from jumping through hoops
for everyone
my entire life-
of being told
what i could and couldn’t
do, say, feel, eat, be….
for the first time
in my life
i can tell you
I AM HAPPY!

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but then
upon my last birthday
in may of this year
i was hit
flattened out
by a box i had
buried long ago-
more truths…
i knew it was only
in my acceptance
of this truth
that i could then
overcome it
and let it float buoyantly
out to sea
never to be scene again…
i turned 54.
now, to most of you-
it’s no big deal.
but to me
it signaled
i was now entering
what was the last
living year of my
mother and grandmothers life,
as they both died at 55.
i called every specialist
took every test
blood work
exam
was poked
prodded
asked questions,
they dissected
my eating and drinking habits
my sleep routings
work out regime
and every doctor
stated the same thing…
‘sheri, you are perfect.
your bmi, your levels
in every category
you do not have cancer
leukemia or
any other disease
you are
HEALTHY!
but,
you need
a colonoscopy…”

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smile
sigh
gulp…
i meet with the doctor
get my medicine
and instructions
and i wait for the
‘prep day’…
i try not to let fear
take over
i give everything to God
and i just
count down the days…
well the 30th of june
is my big day!
summer camp is over
i have bought all the groceries
talked to all my kids
had the dogs hair cut
cleaned the house
done the laundry
and still
i am humanly scared…
my hubby giggles at me
my friends say,
‘it’s the best 20 minute sleep
you will ever have,
when you wake up from the
propofol
you will feel like dancing…”
dancing?
really?
ok, i think to myself
people do this every day
so i have decided this is
my mini vacation!
i have not had one in 4 years,
so i am do!
plus, how many people
are so lucky to have the luxury
of spending
a whole day reading
on the throne?
or better yet
being probed
while asleep?
do i even believe in aliens?
what i believe in
is medicine
in doctors
in healthy living
in getting
screening tests
when needed
and in the fact that for
a few short hours
dr. d will be holding my hand
as i fall asleep,
holding my hand when i
wake up
and probably
video recording
every silly thing i say!!!
ain’t it grand to age?!

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