an adult christmas at nautilus teachings

 

 

‘raise your hand,
if you ate foods
you have not eaten
in a long time…’

‘raise your hand,
if had allergic reactions
to all of that food
and are now paying for it…’

‘raise your hand,
if you feel like
you gained 20lbs…’

‘raise your hand,
if you need to sleep
for three weeks…’

‘raise your hand,
if you took your
christmas decorations
down already…’

‘raise your hand,
if the first thing you did
on the 26th
was turn OFF the
christmas music…’

it can be
the most
wonderful time of the year
it can also be
the most
stressful and frustrating time…

a friend of mine
was crying her eyes out
the day after christmas
because she felt like a failure…

‘i felt like no-one appreciated
anything i gave them,
like everything was stupid
or wrong…’
‘every year i try so hard
to just get them one
small thing
that will make them smile
and every year
they look at me
like,
this is it???’
‘plus my vacation
with my hubby was horrible…
we were supposed to
be on a wonderful cruise
and all he wanted to do
was sleep and read…
it was my birthday
and i spent it alone
on a ship
in the middle of nowhere
crying…’

 

there is nothing worse
than spending money
wrapping gifts
stuffing stockings
and being met
with silence
or eye rolls
which is why
my hubby and i
just give the favorite
gift of cash to our
5 adult children…
oh, sure i made them
stockings this year
and spent to much money
on stupid stuff
but ya know what,
i got lucky
and every person
was so kind
and said how they loved them…
which made me feel
warm inside…

that being said
i have been,
as has every parent,
where my friend was…
i have had christmases past
that ended in tears
disappointment
and even yelling…

they are the worst

in fact
i can remember
not so many years ago
thinking
“i am leaving
the country at christmas
screw everyone
and their wants and needs,
i asked them for a list
and they never give it
so what am i to do???”

but then
my amazing d
smiled
his soft smile
dried my tears
let me go
on and on and on
ranting and raving
until we were both
giggling…
this was dumb!
this was the year
we decided
money only…

i have another friend
who has a needy
selfish
self centered
child
who thinks money
grows on trees…
her list
started with a $400 designer
gucci belt
which is the max
her and her hubby
spend on each child…
the list was unrealistic
and childish…
when she told me about it
i calmly said,
‘give her the $400 cash
and let her buy a belt
with it if she wants…
i’ll bet you she will
rethink
what she spends
her cash on
if she can only get
one thing,
and if not,
who cares?!!’

no matter what
parents
just cannot win
once the child passes
10 years old,
can they?

christmas is the season
for giving
in the hopes
that through
this unselfish process
of putting
every other person
you love
at the head of the line
leaving yourself
bloated
fat
exhausted
in need of
a hair cut
pedicure
massage
and a long workout…

you wanted to end up
smiling
feel fulfilled
as if you just
received
the greatest gift
of all,
gratitude!!!

but
NO
you feel
cheated…

so,
raise your hand
and repeat
after me,
‘i (state your name)
will no longer
care what any of my
loved ones lists are
next year for
christmas…
i will let them know
how much
i love them
and that
they are all
getting the same amount
of cash to do with
as they wish…’

if you get any
resistance at all
stare at the adult children
let them see,
you eyes — how they twinkle! your dimples how merry!
your cheeks are like roses, your nose like a cherry!
then take the advice of
my sainted mother in law
margaret frances catherine stewart
who has taught me~

‘oh my sheri, my sheri, just
put up your two
middle fingers
smile
and
very softly say,
‘oh
go
fuck
yourself!
then let them hear you exclaim,
as they all roll their eyes

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!