an introverts beginning at nautilus teachings

my introvert world
my introvert world

My under the sea world
On the first day
I entered the knotty cedar, stained brown closet
On the second day
I sat in the corners which were crammed full with clothes
On the third day
I reached up toward the light bulb with an ashen string
On the fourth day
I carried my crayons, tears, teddy and myself into the space
On the fifth day
I drew my guide, Wise old mr. Hawksbill
On the sixth day
I became Fancy Finns the mermaid and created my fish friends
on the seventh day
My under the sea world was created and we all belly giggled

Under the red wooden steps
This was where Sheri was born
Monet painted clothing hung from hangers everywhere
The scent of my Mother covered every inch of this space
Her bottle cap shoes lay nestled in order along the back wall
My father’s ties hung from rusty hooks looking like paint drips
Small rays of light filtered through the cracks in the steps
Illuminating the dark world and giving me the hope
That I could be safe here and live within these four walls

A chiseled glass knob held the key
To my world, to my creativity, to my life
I would grab the rusty toothed key upon entry into my place
And quickly click the lock upon the door held by the brass plate
I would close my eyes, take a deep breath and say
“God, please make me a fish, so I can swim far, far away…”
Then I would huddle in the corner with my bleeding knees
Dirty clothes, running nose and color my way to air

Sacred, quiet, off limits to the demons
The angled closet lived within my bedroom
A room my parents and I shared
They to hold their clothes, me to sleep and heal
The Demons were not allowed in here
However; they were rule breakers, life suckers
And at first sound of their sneakers squeaking up
I would bolt, grab my golden key, hold my breath
And lock myself up tight, just like my locket dolls

i became Fancy Finns
i became Fancy Finns

Carried away in prayer and dreams
As I entered each day, I would kneel and pray my mantra
“God, please make me fish, so I can swim far, far away…”
I would grab my crayons which lie hidden beneath my dads
Old olive green army suit and white cootie club hat and shirt
And draw kiwi green seagrasses with lavender flowers
Waving at me a friendly hello
“hi, hi, hi I would whisper back, no melodies today,
The demons are near and they might hear you…”

Mr. Hawksbills tethered movements would soothe me
As I drew each day and soon my tiny eye lids grew heavy
Sleep came easy here
No nightmares, or sweaty shakes
I would roll down soft, lush shamrock green hills
Filled with sunburst yellow wild flowers
And land underneath the bursting royal purple grape vine
And fill myself with the sun-kissed sugared grapes
Only to awake with salty tears encrusted upon my cheeks

wise old mr. hawksbill
wise old mr. hawksbill

The best thing about my world
Is that I carry it with me wherever I go
I can find blank canvases to release the haunting images upon
I can flip the lids off my paint tubes and dip my fingers in the cool azure blues, caribbean turquoises and lime greens
Instantly I am soothed, my heart beat slows down
And as I brush on brilliant yellow mixed with linen white
I feel the breath of God breathing life into my soul
I pick myself up off the floor
Give a twirl
And smile,
At the
Unleashed memory
Brushed across
The rough
Canvas before me
and
I am home