being enough at nautilus teachings


i have never
yearned for
“the best mom”
or the
“super wife”
i fail
every single day
of my life…
i don’t meet the demands
that are required
i don’t always finish
my to do list
sometimes dinner
just doesn’t get made
and the laundry
sits overnight
still in the wash…
i have my days
when i sit in a corner
and i cry
i climb into my box
and scream
i sit on the beach
and feel blank…
i have searched
the unraveling
of all of my edges
for the answers
as to how to live
this life
the best that i can
everyone happy…
but ya know,
that’s impossible.
so i settle
for the middle
as long as i
can rise each day
loving myself
believing in myself
that is enough-
it truly is…
i have never
sought after
never strived
to be first
or even the best,
i have just
always been
i am healthy
and have
the basics in life
like faith
and love…

what i want
is to be sat with
to be listened to
i want my hand to be held
to be told
that i am loved
and that someone is glad
i am in their life…
i want them to take time
to stop preaching at me
share something they love
about the life they live
or a beautiful memory
i want them to stop
worrying about
how important it is
to check their phone
to rush here
and there
to still themselves
in my presence
and ask
“how are you?”
and really really
listen to me
to put their own needs last
for once
to do something i love
with me,
even if it’s something
they absolutely hate…
all i can be
is me.
i know who i am
i live passionately
and truthfully,
i am encompassed
with the calm
healing waters
of my faith
and i am sustained,
forever buoyant
in the knowing
i am unconditionally
loved and forgiven…
but this earthly mess
we call life
gets all tangled up
and it is only
in the stillness
we are able to
the sticky creases
of each day…
we jump into the shower
washing ourselves
of words, sweat,
bad decisions, hurt
and anger…
then wrap ourselves
into soft towels as
we feel the drops
of disillusion
slip away
and we breathe in the scent
of cleanliness
letting the soft fabrics kiss our skin
as we roll into bed
we have tomorrow
and that in all we do
think, cook, write, speak,
draw, create…
all that we are,