believing is seeing at nautilus teachings

 

 

‘seeing isn’t believing,
believing is seeing…’

before this became
one of my favorite lines
from the movie
the santa claus
it was already
embroidered
across my soul…

mom taught me
to love the broken
not just because they were family , but by watching them
from across the room…
and as i watched my father
rub his tired eyes
tap tap tap
his coffee cup on the
formica table
as his lips gently
glided upward
i could almost see
light shooting
out of the cracks
in him…
it was in those moments
i knew
inside him somewhere
there was
soft love…
i saw the way
he looked at my mother
on their Saturday date nights,
i could hear
encouragement
as he stood sidelines
cheering on my brothers
in sports
and i guess
when i was included in
a photo of the ‘boys’
with dad,
as he would reach over
and rub my cheek
saying,
‘smile, sher…’
i would believe beyond
a shadow of a doubt
i was
loved,
by
him…

when my two
toe-headed brothers
were not picking on me
i would watch them
from afar
as side by side
they played
laughed
and discovered
life together-
i named them
‘remote & control’
as i observed
the oldest brother
always telling
next in line
what to do
think
and even at times
speak…
again
i could see they were
connected
i believed they had each others backs
yet what i wanted
was to believe
without seeing was,
they in turn
felt this way about me…

i would stare up
at my mom
with my big chocolate eyes
full of water
every time they hurt me
pleading with her to
please keep them away
or even get rid of them…
mom would say,
‘sher, your brothers love you.
you must believe it,
even if you don’t see it…’

is believing seeing
without actual proof?

this is where faith
steps in
and fills up all those cracks
wraps you in a warm
protective hug
and assures you
know matter what
you are safe
and loved…

believers
just live in the knowing…
they practice listening
stillness
meditation
prayer…
they don’t need to
check for any connection
through wifi
because
by walking
through life
buoyed by their faith
they
see
so
much
more…
by trusting
the ethereal
they are able
to stand strong
in storms
the darkness is lit
and ultimately

‘we walk by faith
and not by sight’
~2 Corinthians 5:7

today,
my husband was
wheeled into
yet another
foot surgery…
i knew he was
worried
feeling anxious
disliking the fact
that age is slowly
getting to him
without him even
speaking a word,
so of course
i decided to tell him
silly stories
about what a pain in the ass
he will be over the next few weeks
hobbling around in a cast
and on crutches,
how he won’t be able to work out
his lower body
and will need to sleep in the
guest bedroom,
so as not to wake me,
not to mention
his diet would consist of
ramen noodles
oatmeal
yogurt
and water
while the anesthesia
worked its way out
of his body…
this always makes him giggle
roll his eyes
and then
he relaxes
breathes slower
as the funny nurses appear
to take him back
allowing me to exit,
to quietly retreat
out of sight
leaving him
with what he
already knew
he will wake up soon
see my goofy smile
sleep for hours at home
and slowly return to life…

my last words
were not
i love you,
but were,
‘hey honey…just picture
you, greg and doug
riding a perfect wave
in costa…’

that was my way of saying
what my mother taught me-
‘you must believe it
even if you can’t see it yet…’