born fighting at nautilus teachings

she began this life

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fighting.
her tiny body
filled with sickness
struggling
each day to be well
the hands which held her
encompassed her soul
with warmth and love
prayed over her
filling this new person
with unbreakable faith.
as the girl grew
she knew she belonged
to Him
every day she would
get down on her tiny knees
point her soft face
towards the heavens
and begin,
“Dear God,
i love you so much.
please protect my mommy.
please make me well.
and please take the demons away.
AMEN…”
the demons did not like her
they chased her
spit on her
called her names
and were just plain mean.
then came the day
her body could take no more
and as she began
convulsing
the air feeding her lungs
stopped
her body lay still
the men with the red hats
and yellow coats
worked on her
while she lay upon
a stretcher in her
purple bedroom
with white daisy wallpaper…
she saw the whole thing
because at that moment
she was sitting in the palm
of God’s hand looking down
upon her own self.
He kissed her
and sent her back.
from that day on
she walked in grace.
she knew no matter
what happened to her
He protected her.
for the next 40 years
her life was filled
with faith, beauty, love
but the demons never left
and so she fought daily
to keep them away
she took their punishment
she protected her kids
and finally when she knew
she could take no more
she began,
“Lord, i have made poor decisions
i know good love
should not be slapped
across your cheek.
i know it should protect me…
and so today i ask you to guide me
as i break free from a life of pain
show me the paths i need to walk
and please forgive me for any pain
this may cause my children…Amen”

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the girl had always had faith
always went to church
always prayed.
now,
she would live faith…
she was bone tired
from a life
of fighting…
fighting to be seen
heard
accepted
loved…
she did not want to engage
did not want even to move
she found herself
sleeping the days away
not leaving the house
and just being still…
she wondered if this was
some sort of depression.
but reality told her different.
for the first time
in her entire life
she felt blissfully happy,
in need of nothing
and no one.
she never wanted to
hear angry words again
or wait on anyone hand and foot.
she would spend the second
half of her life
in self care and self love.
she wanted to be loved
held, listened too.
she had just gotten to the point
where excuses
made her walk away,
words hurled at her
made her want to kill
being told what to do
made her learn to live with less.
and the dream of sailing away
grew more tempting
with each passing year…
she would fight no more.
from this day forward
she would love herself
she would let go of all
which burdened her
and live the life
she chose…
not caring
if that meant
the rest of her life
would be one
of just her
the dogs
and God…
she would not end
this life fighting
she would put
up the white flag
letting all who know her
understand
she now surrendered
to inner peace
buoyed by her faith…

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