can’t fix broken at nautilus teachings

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why is it
broken things
are easier to love?
maybe because
we see them as pliable
ready to take on a new shape
wear the colors we love
speak in a words
we long to hear…
but can we fix broken?
no.
not if they don’t want to be mended…
perhaps they are hiding
what has hurt them
and are afraid of revealing truths
perhaps they are comfortable
in the ratty, torn skin they are in
loving their obvious scars
wearing them like bold colored tattoos…
if we know this truth
then why do we fall in love
with the broken?
what attracts us to them?
could it be that
when we lay all the cards
on the table
we are really just loving them
the way we want to be loved
trying to fix in them
the very problems we possess?
i write over and over
about being born broken
having cracks
filled with the
grace, light and love of God

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i myself
am loved by a broken man-
my father…
he does not see himself this way at all.
he does not understand
my choices to live my passion
to create, write and heal.
according to him
i was to get a business degree
and help him start a family company-
all 4 of us were supposed too
and none of us did…
he is a man of few words
and most of them
blaming, criticizing and judging.
but, when i texted him a picture
of the article about me in the Florida Today
i got this response…
“good article. congrats on your success.
i’m very proud of you and what you
have accomplished.
god bless you.
i love you.”
my response was
a very numbed, WOWZA!

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i wish i could sit with my father
and have a conversation
about his values, beliefs, life stories
and what he saw in my mother.
i want him to share the good
i never saw
the warm layers of their love
that lasted 37 years –
until her death.
i know my mother loved him.
i know she kept a packed suitcase.
i know there was
shouting, blaming, finger pointing and hurt.
but he won’t spill anything –
and this i must accept.
I will not hide from my children
any of my truths they wish to know-
all they need do is ask…
one day my father will pass
and once more a life story
will go untold…
oh,
how i wish i could fix him
get him to sit us all down
and say,
“hey, this is who i am,
this is how i feel…”
but mostly
i wish he would just take
off his rose colored glasses
and see
that all four of us
turned out ok,
even though we are not close
we all need
to know we were loved
that we are accepted
and ultimately forgiven
because,
guess what-
the four of us have
all forgiven him
and accepted the fact
that we will never get
an apology from him
never be asked to forgive him…
we all are broken
in some small way,
but this should never stop
any one of us from living our dreams
or being loved…
have the conversations
forgive and accept
life is way too short
tomorrow could be your last day here…
live in the knowing,
we are all
beautifully broken
original pieces
of Gods love…

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2 Comments

  1. Miaty

    But what about US that stay with broken people to be fixer uppers with a person that does not want to be fixed? My whole life I have been attracted to these type, 4 to be exact! How do I move past someone that needs fixed and fix myself instead? It’s a disease I’m an enabler a codependent! There’s no drugs for this I just have to learn to live being not me, the vulnerable one to broken things. I see the potential but not what is! It tears me down.

    • Sheri Stewart

      why do you stay? weakness? low self worth? insecure? afraid to be alone? You may be an enabler and codependent…but, you can fix yourself if its what you wish the most to do. first you must start at the beginning-your beginning. in my book Nautilus: A Message of Faith you are encouraged to start by making your nautilus’s from birth. this is where my coaching helps if you need me. as you work from earliest memory you begin to identify where it all started and why. it takes intense work, my friend. i have worked for 12 years now and continue working every day. i am here for you if you wish me to work with you. I know i can help, but only if you are willing to sacrifice all you think you know and open up your truths and begin living them…

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