chchchchanges at nautilus teachings




december 12
was my last
the place was packed
with old faces
and new
the day had been
a very long one
starting at 4am
to rise up
do my devotions
and prayers
run to the grocery
to get a few necessities
and the vet
to get the boys
flea meds
grab a latte
at starbucks
and head back home
in time to
set up Ry’s toys
start up Netflix
with his favorite show
and grab a few seconds
of breathing
mr. smiles and giggles
as the boys
greet him with licks
and tail wags…
i love my life
but today
was emotional
from first
opening of my eyes…

when i opened
my tiny studio
in 2007
i knew
what i was about to begin
had a shelf life
most fads do
yet until Matthew hit
our beautiful shore
last year
Bali Studios
did great…
paint nights
had popped up on
every flipping corner
in ever bar-
heck there was
even one in our gym…
one of the ladies
who painted with me
began her own
byob service
traveling to peoples homes-
something i never do…
i did not see any of these
as a threat
or even competition
because in every small
business i have owned
and there have been
4 prior to this one
over a span of 34 years
people providing
the same or similar products
as you
keep you awake
keep you learning
keep you growing
competition is good
for every business
because as i see it,
it either makes you stronger
or you close up…

i have not closed.

i have changed the way
i want to present art
to the world
and i am super
excited about it…
Matthew reawakened this
dream inside
and Irma
sealed the deal for me…
as i have said in prayer
over and over
‘thanks for the nudge God…’

i have always believed
art is just
good for the soul
and in my opinion
there is no bad art…
and as Brene’ Brown states,

“the only unique contribution
that we will ever make in this world
will be born of our creativity…

i knew how hard this day would be
i knew how excited i was to have
a very full class
and i also knew
this was not goodbye
this was
tiny colorful air bubbles
bursting all around me
that for now,
only i could see…

i grabbed Ry and headed to the studio
to set up for the nights class
as he crawled all over
played with new paint tubes
threw the candy all around
banged on a bag of
now tiny pieces of tostitos
and just had fun
being young
i unwrapped canvases
filled up buckets with water
laid out palettes,
brushes and towels
then plugged in my twinkle lights
picked up Ry
walked him around the
colorful tiny space
as he pointed to every painting
trying to speak
smiling the whole way…
i took a deep breath in
locked my door
traveled the short distance home
and in 90 minutes was
back in studio
ready to greet
my friends…

when it was over
i cried like a baby
for a long time…
d didn’t get it
nor did he understand
that for me
it was a happy sad
the end of 10 years of dreams
and so many faces
i love…
the tears just kept coming
as the boys cuddled up beside me
in my bed
part of me just wanted to go back
to the early days
when after class i would sit
with a friend or two
under the twinkle lights
sip wine
and laugh about the evening…

God is leading me forward

i am tired
to the bone
my days are really long
and have been
since august
with so many changes
in my life
the second hurricane
being a full time granny
prepping for the upcoming holiday
getting the news
we will be grandparents again
mom is slowly dwindling
and i hate that she is alone
so much
d had another surgery-
his 4th in 2 years
and all i want to do is melt

we have these
awakenings in our lives
a time when new paths
beckon us
and weary or not
we must push on,
even if it’s as slow as a turtle…

2018 will find me sitting
on the edge of the
new mezzanine
i can see clearly
as i
challenge the uncharted…
i embrace uncertainty
with faith as my guide,
d by my side,
strolling into the unknown
armed with nothing
but my dream
as i dare to imagine
i could have a different life…

“what if i fail?
oh, but my darling
what if you FLY?”
~ Erin Hanson