dancing with God at nautilus teachings


last night
i was dancing with God…
his hands held mine
as he twirled me
round and round
i remember smiling
closing my eyes
letting myself soak
up all His warm
grace, love and light…
it was a lovely
beautiful dream
and as i cracked open
my eyes
d is laying on his side
next to me
with a big grin
on his face…
i immediately smile
and say,
“are you watching me?”
his reply,
“yes! i want to know how
to sleep like that,
i slept like crap!”
i am a champion sleeper
i prefer 10 hours a night
12 if I can get them!
d sleeps on and off
for maybe 4 hours…
i began my day
by getting him off to work
and then,
mother’s day weekend
hit me like a tsunami…

fear took over
and i thought,
‘what if one day
i woke up to voices
in my head telling me
sheri, this is your last day…’
yes, i know
you may think i am
certifiably crazy
and, yes, i will agree…
but remember
by 54 my mother
and grandmother both
were in their last days
of fighting cancer…
i don’t want my time
to be cut short
i don’t want to say
but i have this stupid
sore in my mouth
which logically i know
is my allergic reaction
to something i ate
because it happens all the time,
but i am going,
‘omg! what if it’s mouth cancer…”
and i have my pre-op
visit this week for my
‘i can’t have colon cancer,
i am fine…’
my brain is scrambled eggs
at this moment
my chest begins to hurt
but i keep pushing on…
‘sheri, you are imagining all of this,
you’ve got to stop…’

i breath in the gorgeous breeze
caressing our back live oak trees
tilt my face to the sun
and begin to twirl…
i am back in the hands of God
feeling like a child
knowing i am safe
healthy and strong…
the boys come bouncing out
after a squirrel,
i open my eyes
see a dolphin and baby
cruise by in the river
and think
i am crazy,
but i am blessed…
walking into the house
i hear Taylor Swift crooning out
“and i had the best day,
with you,
i stop
let the tears fall down my cheeks
whisper, “mommy, i miss and love you…”

i begin to twirl once more with God…

my life is in His hands and i trust Him…