deaths cocoon at nautilus teachings

for some of us
we are given the gift
of loosing someone
we love in slow increments~
is it a gift?
that depends if you accept
the reality
they
are
dying…
in sher’s case
she never accepted
nor believed it.
her dad told her
her mom was not dying.
her two brothers
never flew home
to say goodbye
she
was
not
dying…
but reality was,
Dory was loosing her fight
to the big C.
when sheri left her father’s house
she drove very slowly home.
it was mid afternoon
Nicholas needed a nap
and she was exhausted.
together,
mother and son
lay upon the waterbed and dreamed.
she was awakened
by the door loudly closing,
“sheri?”
her husband was home.
she rose,
leaving Nicholas snoring away…
“shhh, Nicholas is still asleep.”
then she burst into tears
and began unraveling
the story of her day.
when she was finished
his reply was,
“when is your mother going to die?”
this sucked the wind out of her lungs
so she spun around walked into the bedroom
grabbed her son
got in her car
and drove to the hospital.
her mom’s room was dimly lit
there was a tube coming from her mouth
but she was breathing on her own
dad was huddled
asleep in a chair
beside her bed…
she glanced at the two
he was holding her
mother’s hand.
she knew they loved
one another
but she had no clue
as to why.


she turned,
exited the room
and ran into Dory’s dr.
“hey,” he said.
“i’m so sorry about your mom…
is this your son?
he is adorable…”
sheri glanced up at him
ready to burst open
and bawl like a baby.
she sucked in a deep breath
and began,
“did i kill my mother? i took her for
a walk in her wheelchair today…”
she told him the whole story
as Nicholas teethed upon
the dr.’s stethoscope.
when she was done
the doctor placed his hand
upon her shoulder
as he had in every conversation
they had exchanged,
“sheri. no way you killed your mother.
i cannot believe she lasted this long.
you have been given quite a gift…”
it did not feel like a gift,
it felt like a take back…
her short drive home
turned into sheri circling
the few blocks over and over
how could she have been
so blind,
stupid even?
all this time her head
may have known mom was dying
but her heart refused to believe it
so tonight
reality began to set in.
she opened the door
to her home,
changed, fed and put Nicholas
down for the night.
her husband was already asleep
so she put on her jammies
brushed her teeth
grabbed a soft blanket
grabbed a glass of wine
and headed to the back porch…
she sat looking at the stars
sipping her wine
when exhaustion took over…


the reels of her memories
began playing little snippets
of her moms hands
baking
knitting
teaching
creating
holding
loving
healing
her heart and her hands
were always so full of love.
the strongest memory
she had of her mother
was presence.
there was not a day
night, time, place, situation
that her mother
was not there
did not listen
ever leave her…
in fact her mother
kept sheri close
by her side
protected her
as much as she
possibly could
from her brothers ugliness
rescued her from
bullies at school…
dory taught sheri to pray
to have deep faith
to listen and be still
and now,
she had begun to teach her
about being a mom
when,
WHAM!
God was calling her home.
a swift breeze
pulled back the blanket
which encompassed her.
she rose
took her glass
and went inside to bed…
how would she manage life
without mom?
would her marriage survive?
could she be a single mom?
what about her father?
questions,
so many of them
ran through her head so fast
it was like the
tic tic ticking of a stop watch
counting down the minutes
until Dory took her last breath…


restlessly she rose before the sun
gathered up Nicholas
and silently left
her husband sleeping
alone.
today,
she thought
today i begin leaving life…
but first,
i must organize my
mothers funeral
make all the calls
decide what clothes
mom will wear at her funeral…
the list kept growing
inside sheri’s head
the elevator dinged
as mother and son
entered Dory’s room.
her father was silently crying.
she sat Nicholas upon
the bed with his grandmother
walked over to her father
and said,
“dad….”
he looked up at her
“all night long i prayed, sher
and then the Lord rose me up
out of my chair
held me in His arms
and told me it was time
for mom to go home…
we have to release her today, sheri…”
she looked at her mother
fighting death
trying to climb out of bed
moaning
as if trying to speak…
just then her oldest brother
burst through the door
“mommy, mommy…”
as death began weaving
a cocoon around
her mother…