depression at nautilus teachings


she is beautiful
big brown eyes
she lights up the room
upon entrance
and always
makes you giggle…
when she hugs
you feel her sadness
an open cavern
of loss
and depression…
for she hugs
without hands touching
any person
almost as if
she is saying…
‘not to close…’
just looking at her
you would never guess
she struggles at all,
even the daily stuff
like getting up
can be work…
her favorite phrases?
‘i’m fine…’
‘i’m sorry…’
publicly she holds her head high
works many hours
but on her ride home
the darkness
begins to fall
and as soon as her key
unlocks her safe place
she crumbles
and cries…
we were sitting together
semi – chatting about life
when she said,
“i’m honestly one of those people
that are just like ‘yeah, i have friends
and people talk to me, but i’m nobody’s
favorite person
and nobody looks forward
to talking to me
everyday or anything
and it sucks…”

then the tears
run down her soft cheeks
and i hold her.
we talk some more
about the importance of
taking her daily medication
eating healthy
of having a hobby,
an outlet for when
the veil begins to drop…
she knows all of this
and at moments
she is seeing more light
i know
i cannot heal her,
only love her…
we hug
and i notice
her hands
do not touch me…
the doorbell rings
her friends arrive
with more hugging
smiles and laughter
all around
-she still uses no hands
on any hugs-
another friend of mine
who is always the
hit of any party
one of everyones favorite guests
works long hours
suffers from an even
deeper depression
once said to me,
“i use humor
to cover up the fact
that i
want to
jump off a bridge…”
she continued,
“the older i get
the more i understand
this is part of who i am.
i cannot change it
but i can manage it…”

we are not all blessed
with this one magical
everything goes
our way lives
350 million people
globally suffer
from some sort
of depression…
when you love someone
who does suffer from it
you learn to listen
to engage
you learn compassion
and empathy…
sure you want to wrap
them up in a huge bear hug
protect them
you worry about them
when they don’t text back
or answer their phone
you know their
“oh, hey…i was just soooooooooo busy,”
is most likely fabricated
yet you are so excited
to hear their voice
for a moment
a brief split second
that you smile
all the while your heart breaks…


this is not always
a happy season
for everyone you know…
i encourage you to
take the time
be an observer
let them know
you are there
by gently hugging them
tell them they are beautiful
share a funny story
but most important
for in their silence
the volume is
on max.