doing the best we can at nautilus teachings

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oh for the days
when all i need do
is fall into my mother’s arms
and cry.
she would hold me
til i was done
give me a handkerchief
and then listen…
i could call her
any time day or night
and she would
let me scream
complain
cry
and rant…
and then she
would giggle a bit
and say,
“Well, Sher…
how ya gonna get yourself out of this mess?”
followed by another giggle or two…
which would then be followed
by story after story
of her mistakes
her pains
anything that was similar in her life
to what was going on in mine
at the time…
i would listen
but mostly
i would memorize
the vibration of her voice
the soft cooing
over the line
knowing
just like when i was a child
she would somehow
make me see
life from many different angles,
opinions
beliefs…
i had that rare connection
with her.

mom and me 1968
mom and me 1968

i have spent many hours
in prayer
and mediation
talking to God
and my mom
about my recent
trying to save
someone i love
from a life like mine
and the hurtful outcome
of feeling
i am no longer loved
wanted or needed in
their life
for their deafening
silence
is so loud
i can hear it across the miles…
this morning on my run
my to do list was
flashing back and forth
across my mind
when i thought
a week from today
my son will marry
the love of his life…
this made me smile…
i got home
and my first devotion
was about standing with Jesus-
that even when we are falling
He is there to sustain us…
and i thought, “i am already on the ground!
pick me up Jesus and
stick me in your pocket!”
my next devotion
was about
not giving up…
but that is now what brought hit me hard…
Pastor Dion Todd added this:

Special note: While praying here I can see some who are in a dark place. You have been hurt and injured, so you withdrew into a corner. Now you feel so alone there. God wants you to know that He is here, now. He loves you, He understands, and He only wants you to come back. This is going to be alright. I can see Him reaching out, trying to coax you into coming back to the light. Take His hand.

my eyes welled up with tears
and i let it all go…
we have the good with the bad
we are not perfect
families forgive
love does conquer all…
so,
as i go about my day
i will let my mind
think about the beauty of love.
His gift,
unconditional and pure,
for me,
who is flawed
scarred
imperfect
and doing
the very best i can…

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