enjoying the middle at nautilus teachings

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i feel myself
falling into middle age.
on most days
i awake early
with so much energy
that i find myself
talking loudly
multitasking –
hopping from
laundry
to cooking
to painting
and writing…
on these days
i don’t hit the shower until 6pm
this cuts my nightly
meditation time down from
60 minutes to 20…
and then there are
wednesdays and friday mornings…
after my husband gets
out the door
i crawl under my sheets
sip my coffee
and do my morning work
via bed!
i love this…
i love the ease and peace,
boys beside me passed out
i let myself be all in
the moments i usually
race through
on every other day of the week…

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with aging i accept
that all through my life
i have seen things differently
than the average person
only now,
i embrace this.
when i was young
i wanted the inside
of me
to be more colorful than
the outside,
because i was the ‘good girl’
who did everything i was told
i was a box
filled with instructions
most of them confusing
even written in a language
i did not understand…
i love the line from
Perks of Being a Wallflower
“we accept the love
we think we deserve…”
i truly thought love
was loud voices,
it was doing
what you were allowed
and told to do
that love=betrayal…
oh, how wrong i was…
when i look at d
i am love
he puts me first
gives and loves me
unconditionally
always letting me be open
changing
growing.
it was through his pure love
i found myself…
it’s friday morning
today brings another
doctor visit
with the final cast…
slowly he is healing inside
while i take care of his
outside
keeping him fed
carrying his books
walking him to the car…
and in those moments
when he seems as if
he is without pain
and we sit giggling
like when we first
fell in love
that
is our
wednesday softness.
we both accept growing older
we live in the knowing
one day
every morning
will be a friday
and how blessed we are
to be sharing it side by side…

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