faith over fear at nautilus teachings

7bf476d09e02f8aef1eb5cf10e69ccc9

i am standing
in one of the doorways
God has placed
before me-
i am leaning against
the wooden panel
contemplating change,
thinking to myself-
‘why am i questioning
God’s plan?’
at this very moment
i am putting fear
before faith…
i look up and say,
‘i know,
my life will change…
yes,
i am scared.
i need you.
please
guide me…
i will follow.’
i feel a rush of,
not relief
but of
calm…
my body begins
humming
i feel the ceiling fans breeze
and it reminds me
of
wise old mr hawksbills flippers
that cradled me
with his tethered movements
when i was a child…
only this time
i imagine vines
of grapes
because as a child
it was a safe place to hide
with my bff
where we held hands,
giggled,
ate fresh grapes
straight from the vine
and dreamed…
ahhhhh,
the days of youth-
carefree,
the days
of walking down
every path presented
because
we
had
no
fear!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

i look at this doorway
which is painted white,
i know on one side
it is sandy
my comfort zone
the protected, safe
place i call home…
on the other
is His light
beckoning me
calling me-
‘step,
step, my child
into the light…
listen,
and
you will find
my grace,
light and love
will fill up
all your cracks…
trust me,
i
am
here…’
i walk back
towards the sand
open the rolling
garbage can
and toss a napkin in…
slowly,
it floats
until landing
upon debris…
for an instant
i think,
‘i am not worthy,
i am no good…
did you not hear
all the men
who said i was
ugly, fat,
stupid?
why me?
what have i done
to earn your favor?’
tears run down my cheeks
i want to flee
to run away
from every good thing
in my life…
‘i will fight,’
i think to myself…
i walk in circles
around the room
i call home.
i feel
His pull.
i stand back
in the doorway.

b56c1d5f502f5246614b7318fbb67e71
i cry out loud,
‘what do you want from me?
i am broken, Lord’…
i fall to the ground
and weep.
then,
i feel a tug
a nudge
a pull
a movement…
my eyes open.
i wipe away the tears.
the doorway calls me,
‘cross over,
it is time…’
so i look up
in the knowing
this was never my life
this was given to me
to follow
His calling…
a soft smile
radiates my face.
i step onto
the path,
smell the lilacs
which lined my driveway,
see the low hanging
willow branches
of my youth
which i used to swing from,
hear the tiny chiming
of the lily of the valley
flowers
and know
i
just
know
God
is
my home,
and when
He opens a door
i need to trust Him,
walk through it,
and
place my faith
above and before
my fears…

2d3f16b085632d9aa8a802edbcd3d22f