feeling life at nautilus teachings

she felt the wet heat
before she entered
it was calling her name
all day she put out fires
answered questions
met deadlines
prepared meals
all while saying,
“fuck off”
to the dreaded cold
that hounded her…
oh, how her head ached
her throat was as red
as a blooming poppy-
her body,
oh man,
it ached
like a bud
bursting
through
the patted down dirt…
she did not believe
in
feeding a fever
and starving a cold
she fed herself all day
soup
water
fruit
and topped it off
with a steak,
baked potato
and salad…
she pushed on
towards
the light
and energy
of life,
all
day
long…
but now
she was ready to give in
to succumb
to let it take over
her wholeness….
everyone fed
happy
in their jammies
hubby watching football
dogs passed out
from a long day of play…


she was claiming this moment
this luxurious 10 minutes.
the door locked,
she
was
alone…
she took a huge
deep breath
counted to 6
just like in yoga
exhaled
and repeated it
three times…
she
was
ready.
naked
one toe
at a time
she stepped
in
to
her
sanctuary.
the first wave of warmth
upon her head
made her sigh
in release,
“oh, oh, oh,
this is better than sex…”
the water temperature
was perfect
the bathroom
aglow with candle light
and dusk
penetrating the windows
made her calm…
“oh, my…
this feels so good…”
the shower made her
feel alive
and at the same time
cleansed her…
she reached out
of the steaming oval
of paradise
grabbed her wine glass
took a long, slow sip
and thought,
“mmmmm. now this,
this is healing…”
a slight smile
glided across her lips-
she would enjoy
relish
take in
every minute
of her
wedded bliss
with her
shower
hideout spot
refuge…


she knew
the dogs paws
were pushing
under the door
she heard the tiny voices
saying,
“mommy………..”
yet, she also knew
as much as he was
engrossed in his tv
he
had
her
back.
only a few more hours
and she would
dive into her soft
silky
sheets
heating pad upon
her sore muscles
pillows propped
just so
and
then,
dreamland…
those 8 -10 hours
of
me
time.
when her mind
escaped,
her body
throbbed
vibrated
rippled,
with dreams
dancing
flickering
and drifting
to times
places
people
she
only
ever
imagined…
but for now
the warm water
caressed her
alleviated the pain
of her enveloping illness
and boy,
did it feel
amazing.
another breath
one more sip
of wine
and silence…
she shut the water off
grabbed her towel
and began to giggle.
four hairy paws
peeked out from under
the wooden door
tiny giggles
echoed
from behind the knob
the sound of
sports echoed through
the windows…
this was her life.
her home.
“heeeeeyyyyyy…”
she called out.
“mommy will be out
in 10 minutes,
go pick out a movie…”


the sound of padded
tiny feet and laughter
bounced off
the wall of her bedroom
dogs nearly silent treading
followed…
“ah….”
she sighed…
“5 more minutes of
mommy bliss…”
another sip
lotion applied
make up off
comfy p.j.’s on
she exits
her haven
the safety
her port
in the storm of life
and resumes
a life
she
not only loved,
but chose…
“hey, you!!!”
she says, with a smile.
“what are we watching tonight?
who wants a popcorn?”
instantly they all scream,
“me, me, me…”
her hubby walks in,
smiles
hugs her
and says,
“you smell,
edible…”
they embrace
kiss
and together
jump upon the sofa
spread out the family blanket
and begin
their night-
a family
in love,
a family
working together,
a family
committed
not just to each other
but to love,
faith
and the knowing
together
they
are a one…
not perfect,
by any means
but accepting
they are all
human,
filled with flaws
but unconditionally
loved
and forgiven
by God…