forever friends at nautilus teachings

the morning sun has not
yet risen above
mother ocean
when my phone ‘blings’
with a message…
today i get my full panel
blood work done
before my 55th birthday
which is arriving soon.
and as you know
my mom and grandma died
at 55,
so this is a biggie!
but the ‘bling’
makes me forget myself
and tune into
who needs me
at 5:45 in the morning?
i focus my blurry eyes
on the screen
to see who it is from
and i am immediately
taken back to
the 1980’s
and my first ‘bonus family
and friends’
with my first husband.
some people you meet
never leave you-
this beautiful soul
was sunshine
on every cloudy day.
she was that gently breeze
you want to turn your
face towards
letting it tangle your hair
her giggle made your
soul smile too
she was just grace
elegance and beauty
all rolled up into one
tiny package.
i still love her
as a friend,
always will.
we got to hug, laugh
and exchange stories
at my sons wedding
two years ago.
we have both lived
full lives in those
30 years,
yet like all true friends
we connected like it was yesterday.

i know you know the feeling.
it’s the i am home
i don’t need to watch what i say
i can spill all my secrets to
while we share a bottle of wine
talk , listen and just be
girlfriends again.
but today
is about her
strong, handsome, wonderful dad
who passed away last week,
leaving her sweet, gracious, beautiful mom
to pick up the pieces
and somehow carry on
after sharing a life
with one person for 59 years.
i know they will all be fine.
i know they are a family
bonded so close
it makes me want to sit
in her pocket and
observe, listen and soak in
what family really is…
my mind flickers back to her.
she is a natural beauty
her children and grandchildren
all reflect the God given
soft grace she carries
along with pieces from
there handsome, devoted father
and both sets of grandparents.
i got to know them all.
i got to have them as part
of my journey
along the footpaths of my life.
i missed them.
so, now
when i see her pain
feel her sadness
i want to hug her close
and listen to all the stories
about her dad.
i want her to know
that for the rest of her life
he will be with her
watching, guiding, embracing her,
only now,
it is through all the memories
photos, videos
and pieces of him which lay
scattered across
everyones homes
and soul.
i want her to know it’s ok
to cry, scream and be mad
that dad is gone,
but to never forget
cycle of life.

it took me 7 years after
my mother died
to even be able
to make it through a day
without crying
and still 30 years later
on July 20th
the day she took her last breath
will be embedded upon
every inch of me
until i myself,
take my last breath.
we remember death
just like we remember birthdays.
we write them on
our calendar
counting the years
they have been away
and home with God.
all of this takes time.
we need to heal
cry, talk, and remember
all the good things
letting the sadness
evaporate one droplet
at a time
from our eyes.
oh little miss sunshine
who resides in my memory
as a young wife
and mommy of
days gone by,
know i am holding you
remembering your father
and praying for peace
for you entire family.
he will never be forgotten,
he lives within you all.