funk and gunk at nautilus teachings

 

the gunk is everywhere
people hacking
sneezing
coughing
all their germs
into the clean air
to all the healthy
lucky
have not yet caught
this stuff people…

the gym is a
germ haven
i love working out
but with the cooler
damp weather
they don’t turn on
the heat~
thank goodness~
but they also
don’t turn on the air
so when you walk in
it’s nasty
sweaty
disgustingly
gross
so warm,
you can feel
all the bacteria
clinging to your
i need a good workout
body…
it’s completely
unmotivational
to walk into an armpit
and pretend
you are really into
toning up
your not yet moving
and already sticky body…

and let’s not forget
the funk
that is spreading
beachside
is also contagious
right now…
people are down
they are blue
they feel
lazy
have no direction
in need of inspiration
but each day
as they rise up
there
is
no
sun…
and if there is one
it does
not
last…
this gray
is different
from the
hurricane gray…
we don’t feel fear
or agitation
or even a need
to prep anything
we struggle with
getting out of bed
driving the kids to practice
making dinner
and even taking a shower…

what are we to do
with this
gunky funk?

right now
as is sit on my soft
leather loveseat
with the boys
at my feet,
the sky is gray
with tiny hints
of pink
and
it’s
raining…
to warm and muggy
for heat
not hot enough
for AC
(well, for me it is,
but for d-
NOPE)
so we live
in this
smelly
stillness
with candles burning,
ovens baking
scented wax melting
and ceiling fans
on high
all trying to
move
this
motionless
stale
air
we have to breath in…

never have i used
so much
hand sterilizer
or scented wipes
to try and protect
and defend
my aging body…
i wipe down
everything
with freshly clean
wet ones
i have small pumps
of sterilizer
in my car
my home
and in my purse…
i exercise
eat healthy
and pray
every day
for the gunk
and the funk
to stay away…

but
the funk
hit me
today…

i finally caught
up on my sleep
all our kids
are back home
and in their groove
i get to love and hug
on our grandson
every day
the boys
are slow moving
my house is scrubbed clean
i have written
plans for 20 new
art classes
summer camp
is almost finished
d’s foot is
75% back to
his new normal
which is pain free
numb free
and he can walk the dogs
paddle board
comb the beaches with me
and
surf!

 

today
was the first day
i
felt
oddly
unused…
not bored
just
without direction
or purpose…
i am in the process
of reinventing
my website
and my studio
and am so excited
about what
2018 may hold,
including
me
being
alive…

which brings me back
to the gunky funk…

ok.
gunk
you
can
stay
the
F
away,
please…

funk
i feel you
i know why
you are here
and i
am not taking
the bait…

i have felt
very
sad
for so long…
the holidays
were not
perfect
but they were
enlightening
and for the most
part lovely…

ending my
byob nights
meant
closing
a decade of
insanely
happy memories
and when i
don’t even see
all the beautiful faces
in my daily feed
on FB
it mades
me
the saddest
ever…

my whole life
i thought i would die
at 55 like
my mom
and grandmom
and in may
of 2018
i will be 56…
so these feelings
of impending
doom and gloom
i have refused
to allow
entrance
to my soul
but somehow
in the wee hours
of the night
when i wake
because i am
so flipping hot
and d is freezing cold
i miss my mom
and think about
how losing my life
so young
just cannot happen…

gunk
oh
gunk
in the wind
in every building
i enter
on every hand i touch
every cheek i kiss

GO AWAY

i have hung a
no vacancy sign
around my neck
and a flashing
closed
neon sign
upon my forehead
you
are unwanted
disliked
and just the thought
of you
makes me want
to stand up
and shoot
tiny baby arrows into the universe
to take all contamination
out of your viral
spreading self…

and
funk
my dear dear friend
who i have known
since i was small
i will just dance
and twirl around you
singing,

“Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk

La la la la la

You’ve got a real type of thing going down, gettin’ down
There’s a whole lot of rhythm going round

Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have that funk”

and,
because without
the funk
life would
just be
black and white!