getting your bounce back at nautilus teachings

 

For all that is secret
will eventually
be brought into the open,
and everything that is concealed
will be brought to light
and made known to all.
~luke 8:17

worry
stress
mind fucking ourselves
letting our imagination
run wild…
we can hallucinate
all types
of scenarios
if we let
the unconscious mind take
control
of any issue
that has
wounded us
left us feeling
unsettled
questioning
untrusting
unworthy
depressed…

this verse
always rings
true for me
because i know
i
am
not
in
control
of
my
destiny

sure,
i can make choices
that may altar
the story
He has written for me
but i am never alone…
living in the knowing
the trusting
in faith
has and will always
keep me buoyant,
not necessarily
balanced
and yes,
there is a difference…

when i allow myself
to be buoyed
by my faith
it does not mean
i won’t wobble
fall over
scrape my knee
or choose the wrong path
it does not
guarantee that
i will even pick
the right person
to love for the rest of my life
or that i will
raise my children
to be perfect adults
living a life of passion…
it certainly does not
ensure that i will not
become ill
get angry
fail
lose my job
get divorced…

imagine
a ball
tossed into the ocean
the current will carry it,
the wind will knock it
off course
waves may crash it upon
the beach
a fisherman may snag it
a dolphin may
play with it
whatever it faces
it remains bobbing
up and down
rolling side to side
like a weeble,
‘they wobble but they don’t fall down’
even if popped
it is more likely
to float a bit more carelessly
than sink,
for after all it was made
to bounce…

if we do find
a deflated ball
upon the shore
we will never know
the journey
it has taken
to land
upon the soft sand.
we just
cannot know.
it has carried it’s secrets
struggles
hardships
deceit
lies
and if we look closely enough
we will see
many scars
upon the surface
colors that are faded
marks that have been left
and still
we
know
nothing…

all we see
is
flatness
no life
no
bounce
left…

we can try
to pump it up again
we can toss it in the garbage
we can take it home
cut it up
and use it for
and art project
but what the ball
really wants
is for you
to know
the happy life
it lived,
making a small child smile
being kicked
to score a goal
shot through a hoop
winning the game
volleyed high and fast
over a net
the days it sat
poolside all alone
as the children grew up
waiting
fading
shrinking
just wishing
to once more
be played with…

this is what
life is like
as we age.

visit any nursing home
and you will walk in
and be overwhelmed
by the number of elderly
in a variety of chairs
lining the hallways
in front of the nursing stations.
once in a while
they get to play bingo
listen to live music
be visited by a friend
or family
but for the most part
they sit
untethered to anything
waiting
for the sun
to warm them
their legs
to work again
their vision to clear
their hearing to return
to be able
to rise up
and walk to the bathroom
feed themselves
drive a car
dance
laugh
sing…

they live
within their own
remembrances
unsure of why
they are still
breathing air
when all they really
want
is to
either
be inflated again
and bounce around
this beautiful life
or continue
to deflate
at a rapid rate
so they can finally
go home
to heaven…

there really
is no
in between
when you are old
stuck in a bed
wearing diapers
being fed
struggling to breathe
shivering
and living in the knowing
yes,
you are dying,
but wondering
why
are
you
still
here?

 

we become
the buoyed
flat ball
allowing
our faith to
encompass us
we have good days
where we reflect
warmth and love
but mostly
we are tossed
back and forth
between wanting
to get up and run away
and die…

will all truths be revealed
one day
whether to us
or to the people who loved us
when we pass on?

i can tell you
from losing my mother
when i was 25
that for me
the answer
is no.

there is not one person
besides my mother
who can answer the
questions
i long to hear
truths to.

my new book
the girl and the box
encourages you to do
just this…
have the conversations
while you still have air
in your lungs
be the warm waters
that hold the people
you love buoyant
tell your story
ask the hard questions
never leave them
without hugging them
and telling them
‘i
love
you…’

just take the time
to breathe into them,
to fill them up with life
and in return
you will
certainly
get your
bounce back…