gratitude at nautilus teachings

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i am standing in
the cool swift winds
my hair,
caught up in a clip
with wisps
tickling my face
as the twirling of air
compels me to close my eyes
and remember ….
immediately
i am grinning ear to ear
i see me
raking the leaves
in mismatched clothing
my red ball tennies
scrunched knee socks
favorite sweatshirt
my hair is long
knotted
and i am happy…
my mom is baking cookies
and making hot chocolate
my dad and brothers
are burning all the leaves
we stack in piles…
you can smell fall
even taste it
there is a tingling
of my skin
a memory of winters past…
the leaves are
all different hues
of warm earthy colors
acorns lay scattered
the earth is preparing
to rest
in the long cold winter…

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i open my eyes
to him…
we are putting up our
christmas lights
together
as we do each year,
only this year
i see him limping more
i know he lives in pain…
i look down at my legs
and see the dreaded
cellulite of aging
i have grown to hate so much.
inside there is a ham cooking
chili in the crock
and a welcoming
warm spa for our
aching bodies once the day
is done…
i love nostalgia
the knowing i have been here before
and feeling like i am 9
instead of 53
there are so many times
i want to scream out
“i am not getting older…”
i don’t feel older
i feel stronger
more complete
i love my age
and i know
these amazing
feelings of being
a child again
in my ripening body
are ones i must embrace
allowing them to feed my soul…

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i have lived such a blessed life
despite my barnacles
i have always been buoyant
because of my faith
even when i felt
all aflame myself
i knew
God’s warm embrace
would feed me
the air i needed
to put one foot
in front of the other…
the wind continues its
crazy tethering of my hair
the palm branches are waving
he is smiling
and i smile back…
we love our tiny home
and lighting it up
for the holiday
we know
on Thanksgiving morn
we will sit
with all our lights ablaze
as the runners
pass us by…
and each time
we see a familiar face
hug a friend
high five
a young child
and make silly jokes
about the funny clothing
that we will never have
this day back again…
for all of this
i am grateful…

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