her first words at nautilus teachings

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when we are young
we live in a
magical
imaginary
bubble…
we believe in
princes
the happy ending
and one day
POOF!
it pops…
as the pieces
of us explode
scattering,
some landing
instantly
but most
continue to float away
begging us to
travel toward
them
so we can
reconnect once more…
we are all
different ages
when this happens…
for me
it was 42!
yes,
i was a late bloomer
in every way!
but, i sure can
remember
the first
hole pricked
in my bubble
by my first love…
oh so, so, so many
years ago-
i was 19
he was 21.
i was in college
and he was
my very first love…
he wore the number 16
and played football,
i can remember
his crooked smile
and broken fingers
i can remember
his first touch
my heart
beating outside
my chest
i remember beginning
to feel grown up…
we were never
truly right for each other
but i believed in my soul
he
was
the
one…
oh, the stories i could tell
about us…
teeheehee

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but now,
when i pick up the phone
hearing my young beauties
broken heart
over her first true love
oh my, oh my, oh my…
i want to tell her
about my first love
BUT
i don’t…
instead,
i ache with her
i listen to her
trying to catch her breath
between sobs
and i know
how broken she is
AND
i know she will
love again
laugh once more
even smile…
this wide open
bleeding heart pain
will lesson
and one day stop.
i cannot take this from her
she must live
through it
to learn about love
yet,
as a mom
i want to give her a warm bath
wash her hair
wrap her in a clean towel
put on her jammies
fix her favorite meal
and watch
a movie with her…
to be
me and her
child and mom
mother and daughter,
i want to hold
her baby toes
smell her newness
hold her tight
and sing
“you are my sunshine.”
then reality hits
she is thousands of miles away
she is an adult
she will come home
from work
and cry,
she will
wake with puffy eyes
shower and cry,
she will feel alone
left
lost
no good
ugly
fat
unwanted
all the things us girls feel…
what is a mother to do?
i will pray for her
even though she
does not believe in God,
i will cry for her
because her heart aches
i will text her
silly pictures of the dogs
tell her i love her
and
i
will
wait…
for the call…
the one that says,
“hey, i’m doing ok, mom…”
we cannot heal
our children for them,
they need to learn
to hurt
to grow up
and to know
without a doubt
100%
we
as their mother
are just there for them,
breathing in their silence
and waiting
just as we did
when they were small
for their first words
to roll of their lips
and for our hearts
to know
they
will
be
ok

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