her son at nautilus teachings

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there is nothing
i believe more in
that a mother’s love
for her child…
a long time ago
one of my friends
gave birth to her first child-
a son…
her marriage was rocky
and she hoped
this tiny soul
would save
THEM…
not long after
the baby was born
he stopped coming home
for dinner
there was never a call
to say,
“hey babe, i will be late…”
no,
he would just
enter loudly
after midnight
after having too many drinks
and yell at her…
when he did this
she would drop
to her knees
kiss his hand
and say,
“what can i do for you, love?”
sometimes he would hit her.
he always shoved her aside
leaving bruises
and he would YELL
so loud
she would shhhhhush him
so as to not wake the baby…
this angered him more
and soon she would be
crying, begging him
to stay, to not leave them…
he would always pass out somewhere
while laughing at her
and calling her
horrible names…
this went on for almost two years
until one night
when they were in
the new house they built
he called her
“listen, make sure he is not
waiting for me
i don’t like it when i come home
and he runs up to greet me.
when i get home,
i want to be alone…”
at that very moment,
SHE KNEW
they were over…

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she loved her little boy so much.
he was adorable
with curly blonde hair
and contagious smile
he was kind, gentle, smart
and easy to love…
so on that day,
on the 20th of july in 1987
she told him
“we are leaving you…”
as she turned
grasping her son’s hand
he spoke-
“we can go to counseling,
what do i have to do
to make this better?”
she knew he was worried
with how it would look
because he felt he was this
all important banker
but she knew
he was weak
cruel
and unloveable
so when his words
purred out of his mouth
in the hopes
she would turn around
and run into his arms,
she picked up her son
feeling him snuggle into her…
she breathed in deep
and spoke these words,
“you
are
an
asshole-
i will never
let you back
into my life-
i hate you.
God
gave us
this tiny soul to
mold, teach and love
and all you did
was laugh
shake your head
and treat us both
like a burden…
well,
you know what?
fuck you!”
with that
she walked
into the nursery
placed her son
within his soft blankets
in his crib
closed the door
looked at her husband
and said,
“now,
you get out of
our house…”
he picked up his briefcase
and keys
and left….
as soon as he was gone
she opened up his closet doors-
her eyes took in
all he valued…
designer labels
hand made shoes
and one of a kind suits.
she picked up
her very sharp
sewing scissors
and began shredding
every last piece…

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when she was finished
she stood back
and looked upon her work-
from a distance
you could not even tell
they were cut…
this,
she thought,
this is the beginning
from here on out
it
is
war…
before she went to bed
she looked in
upon her beautiful son,
sound asleep
tiny smile upon his face
he,
he
was her life
and as she stood
next to him
she vowed
to never let him
be hurt by his father…
how was she to know,
that this was a promise
was one
she could never keep…

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