his image hovers at nautilus teachings

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his image
hovers above the girl.
the look on his face
the last time
they were together,
his blank denial
of the child’s life,
allowing
HER
to speak…
to call his child a liar.
to allow HER
access to memories
she could never possess…
as she mockingly
smoothed HER
pancake makeup
across HER aged face,
all the while
spilling foul words
from HER lips,
he stood-
speechless,
without a sound,
not protecting his daughter,
never intruding upon
HER spoken word…
as the girl,
hysterical from
verbal abuse
yelled the words
“i never wanted to speak
my truths
never wanted you to know…
why did you never stand
up for me
why did you not protect me?”
all spoken through 49
year old tears…
he let his child down
the girl’s expectation-
to be protected
and loved.
instead the child felt
neglected
abandoned
unwanted
alone…

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and now,
today,
some 6 years later
there is a deep
cavern of hurt
between them…
it’s not him-
it’s that he will not
be alone
without HER…
he will not speak
his truths-
…he didn’t know how to father…
…he, himself was broken…
the girl may never see his face again
may never touch him
or hear his voice…
she has forgiven,
let the mighty ocean
wash it out to sea…
been cleansed by the
hand of God…
but as long as SHE
still breathes
they cannot
ever be together
alone…
once more
life will repeat.
the child will not have
the last conversation
with him,
just as his daughter did not
with her mother…
the grown child does not expect
anything
except
cornered
silence…
father and daughter
silent love
and the understanding
we are all human
all flawed,
all walking a life
we have no idea how
to navigate
and that without faith
we are floating
in an endless sea
of
what ifs…
love your parents,
flaws and all.
embrace your kids
even when they
make you angry.
accept that friends
make mistakes.
know we are all
imperfect,
created in HIS image,
loved
and forgiven
unconditionally…
the father’s image
will always
hover above the girl,
as long as there is
breath in his earthly body.
on the day he passes,
she will be released
from the metal tower
he built-
not to protect those
he loved,
but to protect himself
from his truths…

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