history triggers at nautilus teachings

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we all have a history,
chapters we may
wish we could burn
but it would never
erase the scars
or repair the
tears in our heart…
once in a while
a memory
takes root
wraps around a
tiny piece of our soul
and refuses
to be weeded out…
it’s as if
forgiveness
lifted the burden
healed the throbbing pain
but every now and then a
ZINGER
comes screaming
out of nowhere
taking you completely
by surprise
and you find yourself
taking it out on
someone you dearly love
of which
it is no fault…
for me i have two triggers
french music
and anger…
the first may sound silly
so let me explain…
26 years ago
i was a manager for
limited clothing
in chicago
and i was pregnant
with my annie…
it was the age of leggings
with drop waisted
sweatshirts
of which fit perfectly
for every pregnant woman
and made the long tall girls
look even leaner…
their music that played
was french
and i was horribly sick
my entire pregnancy…
fast forward
26 years
and whenever i hear
any french music
i get nauseous,
then i giggle
think of my annie lynn
take a deep breath
remembering what it was like
to be young, crazy
the world at my feet…

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the second,
anger
is my
weakest link…
since my healing journey began
12 years ago
i have worked very hard
to not let loose my tongue-
i am human
and unfortunately
when i was pushed to far
on a few occasions
i have let it rain down
on someone i loved so much…
afterward
i hated myself for it
but i sat with it
re-examined
the events which led to it
and began working
even harder…
any moment i felt
anything
riling me up
i closed my eyes
said the Lord’s prayer
breathed in
and left the room…
i walked away from anger.
it was a choice
i was consciously able to make
because i had faith
that turning to God
at every moment of my life,
not just the bad or good ones,
but even in the boring
routine ones
was what my soul needed
to rest
heal
and grow…
so this past week
when this young beauty
returned,
the one i lost my temper
with over and over
for 4 years
came home…

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for the 5 nights
she was here
i hugged her
kissed her
told her i loved her
and on the morning she left
i cried-
not in front of her
but when i had the chance
to sit
to miss not seeing her car
or beautiful smile
when i walked in…
she is a gypsy
this young maiden,
i have the honor of
being her mom
knowing her
watching her grow
into her self
is a long, slow process-
kinda like watching
chocolate chip cookies
bake in the oven…
first they melt
-our arguments-
then they firm up
-we both grew –
just enough
to be soft on the inside
-we still love
and forgive each other-
and soon
their delicious aroma
fills your house
-she came home-
making you wanting
to sit with them
and a cold glass of milk
-or a glass of wine-
anger hurts not just
the person who is yelling
but the person who is
being yelled at…
i am no longer
a victim
and people
do have a right
to get mad,
but for this girl-
she keeps keys close
knowing silence
is just one
car ride away
as long as
i can hit my
anger management playlist
sing at the top of my lungs
all while crying
and driving
myself back into
the palm of
God’s hand…

Η αγάπη θα μας σώσει μόνο αν την καλέσουμε…  Με όλη τη καλή διάθεση προς τους φίλους Έλληνες… Τα σχόλια με greeklish ή και με αγγλικές λέξεις, θα διαγράφοντε απευθείας!!! 'Οσων το πληκτρολόγιο δεν έχει ΕΛΛΗΝΙΚΑ ας κάνουν μετάφραση στο διαδίκτυο σε Ελληνικά !!! Όλα γίνοντε με καλή καρδιά… :) Ευχαριστώ για την κατανόηση…  500px.com/photo/28045037