hope for mom at nautilus teachings

giving someone hope
can fill their heart
lighten their burdens
it produces endorphins
creating blood flow
and happiness
for sheri
becoming pregnant
was the only gift
she could think of
to give her mom
she knew it would mean
a reason
to fight
live for…
her only daughter.
her baby.
her first child.
dories first round of chemo
laid her flat
she was very sick
lost her hair
but every time sheri
walked in
she smiled.
this is what
she will always remember
about her mom-
unending strength
to fight a demon
the dr told her
would take her life…
“oh sher! how are you feeling?
your father said you’ve been sick?!”
it was truth
she had been vomiting
all day every day for
the last three months
and she felt like
running back to the comfort
of her soft, warm
“nah, mom, i’m ok. a bit of morning sickness
but i keep crackers beside me
and work is going really well.

i love working for the
advertising agency and doing
voice overs…
it’s the secretary part i dislike!”
her mom smiled and said,
“ah, yes…remember,
i started as a secretary
with the American Cancer Society
and within a year was
area director of 9 counties!
by the time you have this baby
you will be heading up
the design department
making good money,
just believe in yourself
her mom grabbed her
squeezed hard
and they both giggled-
she would not tell her mom
about how icky she felt
her mom was dying
of cancer
fighting for her life,
every day
poison was dripping
into her blood
to try and what?
heal her?
put her in remission?
give her false hope?
she would never share
with her mom
her silly, stupid reality
she was going through nothing
compared to her mom…
sheri smiled,
and said,
“you are so right, mom
i will work hard
to make your proud of me…”
“oh sher, i am always proud of you.”
this was life for the two of them
never really talking
about the big C
always laughing
making jokes…

when her mom was down
and out from the latest
dad made it quite clear
to stay away
so as to not bring in
any germs…
sheri felt so detached,
uniformed about her moms progress
and helpless…
so she worked long hours
called her mom often
took her baby vitamins
and one day she woke up
next to a stranger…
her husband had
been acting weird lately.
he did not really want kids
seemed hardly interested
at all about the pregnancy
never went to an appointment
and only seemed concerned
with finding himself a new job.
maybe it was the financial pressure
of having a kid before he was ready?
they had a good life.
rented the bottom of a house
just 4 blocks from the hospital
her mother went to.
but it was more than that.
one day he literally said to her,
“you know sher, work must come first
you and the baby have to play second
to my job…”
this was the day.
the day she decided
she hated him
and would leave him,
but not until after her mother passed away.
until then, she would pretend
paint on différent masks
even lie if needed.
her job now was to smile
tell her mom silly stories
and fill her heart up
with the hope
that soon she would
hold her daughters first child
go to their baptism
watch their first walk
hear their first words…
her phone began to ring
she ran to the wall and
picked up the receiver

“hey sher…”
“hi mom, what’s up?”
well, i was thinking
you should be with someone
you loved at your dr. appointment tomorrow.
wanna swing by and pick me up?
then we could go to lunch and do a little shopping…”
“sounds like a plan!
i love you mom.
see you tomorrow…”
as she placed the receiver down
another memory came to surface…
she was 11
they had just moved to a new town.
every day 2 girls rode
up on their bikes,
knocked on the door
and asked her mother,
“does a little girl live here?
tell her she can ride bikes with us
if she wants…”
and every day sher would hide
not answer her mother’s calls
but on this day her mom replied,
“hang on just a minute,
let me go get her…”
she came into sheri’s room
opened her closet door
pulled up her shaking
tear filled little girl and said,
“dear heart…friends are good for you.
it’s time for you to find your wings.
go ride with them.
their names are jill and patti
and they are your age…”
this was mom.
strength, courage, voice
all wrapped up in her deep faith.
“ok, mom. l will do it for you.”
her mom smiled,
winked at her
and said
“show them how you can ride
with no hands on the bars,
i love you…”
right then and there
so many years ago
dory gave sheri hope
and it was now her turn
to give it back to her mom…