in between dreams at nautilus teachings

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i am in between
deep sleep
and slow waking
the sheets are soft
the fan blows
caressing my
body with cool air
i can feel rest
i see my night dreams
slowly fading
“wait! i want tomatoes…
and where is the…”
i had been dreaming
about grocery shopping
and their was no
produce within sight…
strange dream, yes,
but salad is one of
the few things i can
still eat and not
hive out!
so i am here
alone
free
arms
beginning to
stretch
i extend my legs
curve my back
and begin the
unwinding of night
i love this time
before i open my eyes
i can feel the light
whispering ‘wake up, sheri…’
but i resist
i hold on to that
lovely embrace
of solitude…
and then
WHAM!
an arm come across
my middle
almost making me
wet the bed
and i hear
very loudly
“spoon with me…
i can’t sleep…”
i snuggle in close
d’s grasp gets tighter
as i hear him begin to snore…

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each time i try to raise
his arm and slip out
his hold resists
then the freak in me
comes out
i begin to panic
and memories of
being held against my will
flood me
i gasp for air
my heart beats rapidly
panic attack is on the way
when i remember
i am safe
loved
and home…
eventually he lets go
and i slide out of bed
grab the dogs
and begin my morning routine
but i long to crawl back
into the softness of my
nights journey
and stay a while longer…
i love to sleep-
end of story!
i am one of those people
who can think about
what i want to dream about
and do it.
i can wake up from a dream
and go right back to it
i can even pick up a dream
from the night before…
i don’t keep a dream journal
because i know
almost all my dreams
by heart
they all have familiar themes
and only on the rare
occasion to i have
a totally new dream
which is why each night
it’s like returning home
to a safe place
only i have the key to…
i think it is my way
of dealing with the world
with hurt
shame
sadness
unworthiness…

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i get to fly,
to laugh
to be happy
and loved
unconditionally
without any words…
doc calls my morning
wakening
twilight sleep
i can hear what’s going on
around me and
continue dreaming-
i am caught between worlds…
d says i am like a
‘sleep goddess’
this makes me think
of snow white
asleep in her glass casket
with all her animal friends
around her
the butterflies hovering
birds chirping
when all of a sudden from
her deep sleep
WHAM!
she is kissed by her prince
and wakes up…
there is a moral to
most good stories
i think about the correlation
between my life
and the disney fairytales…
i have my two boys
dancing around me
wagging their tales
i live in a cute
little house
and my knight in
shinning armor
is more like
superman…
pretty darn good life
i have been given,
thank you, God…

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