legacy at nautilus teachings


anything handed down
from the past, as from an ancestor:
birthright, endowment, tradition…
this is heavy…
do i want to be handed down
the cancer deaths of my family?
do i want to own the
birthright of being the daughter
and granddaughter
of women who died at
the age of 55?
would i embrace
being endowed
with the defective genes
of my foremothers?
do i wish to embrace
and follow the tradition
of dying
before i get to see
my grandchildren
grow up,
my children age
and my spouse grow old?
do i appear to have lost my brain?
i write about a lot of things
in my crazy, little world
but you will never hear me
asking God to please
release me from my
tiny beautiful life…
i define legacy as this-
“the knowing
you have given your children
strength you never knew,
a voice to speak their truths,
that you have guided them down
the path they chose
taught them gratitude
listened without judgement
loved unconditionally
and rooted them
with a loving, giving and caring
foundation of faith…”

but reality hits me
throws me to the ground
and i find myself
crouching in a corner
full of shame…
i allowed my children
to witness my abuse
i exposed them to the
wrong side of what
love between a man and woman
should be
i allowed them to see
their mother being silenced
heard her being told
she was nothing,
is this my legacy?
absolutely not.
my children have also
witnessed me breaking open
building a new foundation
upon my faith
and watched me rise up
begin to use my voice
be filled with strength
and have the courage
to live my truths
through my faith
to passionately
share with all those
who wish to enter
my colorful world
my life stories
writ upon canvas
and page…
you get to pick your legacy,
not your genetics
not your family
not even your spouse or children
nothing and no one
what you leave behind,
accept you…
my husband always says,
“challenge your fears
and chase your dreams…”
and on the day he looked me
in my big brown eyes
gave me my bali studios
and said,
“blonde, the world is yours
show them who you are,
they are going to love you…”
it changed my life forever
and it washed out to sea
the belief
i was going to die young,
that i was nothing
had no voice
and encompassed me
with such gratitude and love
i knew,
no matter what
my legacy
was my life story.