life lesson learned at nautilus teachings

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You can
never ever
rescue a person
you love
without
drowning yourself
in the process…
no matter what
you know,
have heard,
seen or been told
you cannot
help them
unless they ask.
any attempt
will start
tethering you
to a lifetime of
regret,
sleepless nights
being blamed
for their pain
the list goes on and on…
apologies
will never suffice
for they cannot hear you,
do not care,
they believe
they are your target
and any attempt
at help,
reconciliation
or support
only leaves
the finger
being pointed at you
once more
for all their problems…

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when you love someone
and care about them
it is natural to want to
save them
from pain
you will sell your soul
to get them into a safe place
and surrounded
by people who care about them…
but i am telling you today
i have learned the hard way
that love hurts
and if you ever find yourself
in this situation
do not try and help
pray
give it all to God
be silent
cry
write it out
paint it out
surf it out
run it out
just walk away…
lock your lips
your heart
and your memories
up tight
throw away the key
don’t look back…

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it is one of the hardest things
you will ever do
but you must…
as i sit here typing
knowing
someone i love
hates me
it is not with wounded heart
or regret
but with the understanding
i love too much…
this person
i tried to help…
sat screaming ,
crying
for so long
spilling truths to me.
and me,
my heart on my sleeve,
believing them
remembering my own life
story echoed theres,
being who i am
tried
so very hard
to help
when what i should have done
is walk away…
but my heart ached
and i loved them so so so much
i could see reflected in their eyes
pain i had lived through myself
and it bit me in the butt
so now
i know
without a doubt
to walk away…
i have lost
this person i love
so,
i accept this truth,
hold my head up
knowing
i am blessed to have
friend and family
who would not walk away from me
who would beat me
with the ugly truth if needed
guide me
pick me up
love me
and help me become
a stronger person
all through forgiveness
and faith…

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so i tell you to walk away
and then i say
but not from me…
this is because
i know i am flawed
and weak
i know my truths
and i know my mistakes
i have accepted them all
and this one
is not a cherry on top
but a melting
of years
away
knowing
no matter what i did
for this person
i was not the chosen one…
hurts?
immensely.
healing?
a slow IV drip of it
hope?
yes.
contact?
zero.
acceptance?
yes.
forgiveness?
yes.
faith
100%
did i learn anything from this?
love
will break you wide open
no one can tell you not to love
no one can take your love away
hold love close
know when
to walk away…
and do this all
in the name of love
with faith as your shield…
if and when they need you,
they will find you.
until that time
take the slow ache of life’s lessons
be grateful
for your life
and
never go back
or let back in
that which broke you…

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